


Winding Up Again

by taekwoncheeks



Series: Fragile Dolls [2]
Category: Gugudan (Band), VIXX
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Confusion, Did I Add Some Of Those Relationships Just To Confuse You, Drama, M/M, Minor Gugudan characters, More Angsty Hakyeon, More Hongbin Too, More Taekwoon This Time, Romance, Tattooed Wonshik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2018-12-07 07:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwoncheeks/pseuds/taekwoncheeks
Summary: Sequel to Broken ToysThree years after Hakyeon and Sanghyuk's sudden split, they cross paths again, Hakyeon becomes bombarded with emotions and desires he thought were long gone and never to be seen again (like Sanghyuk) and Sanghyuk is caught between his desperation to get Hakyeon back and the need to let a certain little bird go.





	1. Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! Well, not I'm back but this au is back (hopefully you guys liked it enough for it to be back).  
> I couldn't stop thinking about the characters so I just had to write what is basically one huge extended epilogue for the characters.  
> This will be a little short story, it should be 7 chapters, and everything is already plotted, it's just a matter of writing the chapters down.  
> I hope you guys enjoy this part of the story too

_ jyani: and u cant just stick us up like last time ok???? _

_ chakchak: I already told you I'm going, why do you keep bringing this up? _

_ jyani: bcuz i don't even remember the last time we went out together >.< wat kind of group of fwends are we??? _

_ chakchak: The ones who can have a strong bond without needing to see each other every single day? _

_ jyani: BUT THATS EXATCTLY WAT WE USESD TO DOOOO _

_ chakchak: Um, those typos Jae _

_ jyani: SSTOP CHANGINGT HE SUBJECT!! >.< u just better b at the bar! and no excuses like "I forgot" cuz im texting u now! _

_ chakchak: But I didn't forget, I never forget _

_ jyani: it's not about u forgetting its about u making up excuses to not go to shit that we plan together >.< _

_ chakchak: Well I'm going this time so just calm down, alright?? _

_ jyani: fwine, i betta see u there _

Hakyeon places his phone down next to his lone cereal bowl before letting his body transcend deeper into his chair as if it can swallow him whole and let him escape the mess he's gotten himself into. He can barely believe he's going out tonight when all he wants to do is hang out at home. Maybe practice his solitaire skills. Who plays solitaire anymore? Hakyeon does. But not tonight. Tonight he's going out to meet Jaehwan and Ravi at this bar that Ravi has been raving about over their group chat, and he couldn't be more upset about it.

Instead of dreading the outing to come, Hakyeon forgets about it for a moment to somewhat enjoy his quick breakfast. The soggy cereal is all devoured and Hakyeon's tiny, barely-even-a-pile of dirty dishes are washed and drying on a towel as he heads out the door to work.

When he shows his face at the bakery, his newest addition, a young enthusiastic girl named Nayoung, gives him a salute from behind the front counter and Hakyeon sends her one back, causing them to both share a giggle. Back in the kitchen, Mimi and Bora are there to give him their usual greetings: Mimi gleefully shouting "Ahoy, Captain!" and Bora confirming his presence with a two-fingered wave.

"So, boss, captain, what's the plan for today?" Mimi asks him, leaning with her hands against the metal table, and gets smacked over the head with a hand towel by Bora.

"I literally just told you. Get these orders out for today and double check everything. This is our busiest Saturday this month so we have to be careful not to screw anything up," Bora informs her, again, as she gathers some stacked cupcake boxes.

"Hey, I was double checking with the boss, like you said to do," Bora fully rolls her eyes, her irises making a complete circle, at the remark but the smirk on her face is very evident.

This isn't Mimi's first time "double checking" with Hakyeon, though. Sometimes he regrets promoting her assistant manager. Not because she's bad at the job, but because she uses the title as an excuse to bother him more than before. He doesn't understand why when Bora, his actual manager, is there too. Even Nayoung, his little newbie, doesn't check in with him as often as Mimi does.

Just like Bora warned, customers start coming in as soon as the business opens. Birthday parties, weddings, and other off the wall occasions all need their cupcakes and small cakes by the afternoon. This, in the middle of a weekend rush with his few employees, is where Hakyeon shines at being their leader. He sends Nayoung off to deliver batches of cupcakes for different summer weddings and keeps his cool and organized composure over the girls. Mimi still doesn't know how he pulls it off every single time.

Once the afternoon comes around, the blunder of the day appears. Instead of the plain ol’ chocolate cake a customer asked for, somebody (Nayoung, Hakyeon already knows it was Nayoung), gave them white chocolate. Now he has to quickly think of a satisfying plan b where he still gets paid but the patron leaves happily.

Luckily for Nayoung, the customer enjoyed the sample of white chocolate Hakyeon gave them to try and preferred the flavor. As Hakyeon cashes in the payment, Nayoung walks through the chiming doors and immediately stops dead in her tracks upon seeing Hakyeon's sharp eyes give her a unrelinquishing stare.

"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" Nayoung chuckles nervously, too new to understand the piercing gaze she's being attacked with.

"Nayoung... do you remember the order for a baby shower held today?"

"Yes, why, what about it?" Nayoung steps closer to her doom, unbeknownst to her.

"Did you double check that order, and read it back to the customer?"

"Oh...Oh, shoot, no I forgot, did something happen?" Nayoung panics finally realizing the situation.

"Yes, something did happen. You mistook chocolate for white chocolate. It's okay this time because they actually preferred it- I mean who wouldn't, white chocolate does taste better as a batter, but that's not the point. Please make sure to double check your orders every time you take them, every situation won't turn out like this one," Hakyeon sternly warns with his facial expression softening.

"Yes, sir. Sorry about that," Nayoung barely speaks, regret lacing through her voice, but she keeps eye contact with her boss.

"Why don't you go take a break, you've been out all day." Nayoung gives him another salute before heading to the back, supposedly to clock out for said break.

By the time Hakyeon hangs up his apron, everything at the business has cooled down. All the orders for today went out with success, walk-ins were satisfied, and hopefully new orders were placed without regrets.

Hakyeon checks up on Bora, making sure she can handle everything until locking the doors. With a single assured thumbs up, Hakyeon leaves the business in her hands and he's out the door.

Maybe he should have stayed with the girls longer at the bakery. The only thing else he has to do is meet up with Ravi and Jaehwan. As much as he adores the two, he really doesn't want to be out. Bars aren't his scene anymore - they haven't been for a while - Jaehwan knows that. The thing he enjoys most is being by his lonesome with the home shopping network channel playing in the background as he practices stereotypical loner card games. He doesn't even know if he has the energy to stay out long after the busy day. Though he never has the energy for too much of anything other than his job nowadays, he promised his best friend. He rarely makes promises so he supposes he’ll keep this one.

After working through lunch, he can practically hear his stomach pleading for food. Feed me, feed me, it says. He wouldn't want to show up at the bar on an empty stomach anyway. That'll only lead to trouble.

There's a burger resting at the bottom of Hakyeon's stomach by the time he's rummaging through his slide door closet. There are also about four text messages from Jaehwan - if Hakyeon counted the buzzes of his phone correctly - that he doesn't bother to read. They're all probably yelling at him through the screen to get ready anyway. Why is Jaehwan so bent on dragging him out tonight? Maybe he thinks he'll need about another chaperone to look after a buzzed Ravi. It's a pretty probable conclusion that Hakyeon will just have to settle for since there's no use in going back and forth with the stubborn man.

They're all a little stubborn, but Hakyeon always believed he was justified in his headstrong ways. Just look at where not listening to his first mind has gotten him. It's at these moments when Hakyeon feels envious of the king and queen of clubs who are fated to stay next together in an entire deck for all of eternity.

He quickly tosses those thoughts aside and wonders as he looks at his small shoe collection if he should buy those new thick strapped sandals that are sixty-percent off and almost out of stock. He does need new sandals for the summer and Lina, the 7 o'clock tv program host, swears by them apparently. They would have been nice to wear for tonight too. Damn, he should have bought them when he had the chance. Always listen to your first mind, Cha Hakyeon.

Since there's no use in dwelling on shoes he could have (should have, would have) worn, he grabs his old pair of black sandals fitted to every crevice in the sole of his foot by now, some ordinary blue jeans, a black button down shirt, and calls it a day.

Before leaving his apartment, he quickly remembers to take the daily dose of his medicine, now prescribed by a real psychiatrist. His mind has failed him at remembering the last time he went out for something besides necessities and he can't ruin the mood for his friends tonight. Jaehwan practically forced him to go to a doctor - he even looked up a few offices for him - so he can at least get legal prescriptions if he was to get anything out of the whole ordeal.

Hakyeon swears he doesn't feel any different after he started taking the antidepressants, but as long as it gets Jaehwan off his back he'll take them whenever. Lately, Hakyeon has been realizing just how much of what he does is influenced by his nosy friend in order to stop being bothered by him. Hopefully, he thinks, the medicine will settle in his system before arriving at the bar so he doesn't experience any wacky side effects. And with that, he finally leaves his home for something that’s surprisingly not work.

Hakyeon immediate spots Ravi and Jaehwan at the bar sitting beside each other in one of the window booths and slips into the seat across from them without sparing the rest of the joint much of a glance. Hakyeon's settled in his seat, feet tapping against the hardwood (actually probably linoleum) floor as he waits to see when Jaehwan and Ravi will split up from each other to greet him.

He honestly doesn't know when they happened or how and it’s too late to care now since they've been a thing for a while.

By now, after a minute or so, it's obvious that Jaehwan is trying to give him some attention. He manages to squeak out a "hi" but his eye contact stays limited as his  _ significant other _ pinches his neck and keeps his head turned in only his direction.

Hakyeon could puke. Is that suppose to be a sign of affection? There's a great deal about this couple that Hakyeon figures he'll never understand. And frankly, he's okay with that.

Finally, Hakyeon decides to speak up even though he doubts they'll listen to him. "Did you guys invite me just so you can have a crowd to view your gross public displays of affections?"

Slowly, almost creepily, Ravi’s hands lower themselves from Jaehwan’s neck as both of their heads turn to face Hakyeon in unison. Ravi’s eyebrows are knitted together in confusion as if he can’t believe Hakyeon had the audacity to utter such bullshit and Jaehwan accusingly points his finger in Hakyeon’s face.

“You have done all sorts of various gross public things so you’re one to talk!” Jaehwan snaps at Hakyeon.

“Yeah, like that time when you once fucked in my parlor’s restroom,” Ravi chimes in and Hakyeon laughs briefly at the claims.

“I’ve done no such thing, that’s just what you wanted to happen in your little mind," Hakyeon jeers. Jaehwan bursts out laughing as Ravi struggles to find the words to reply to that all-too-true statement while Hakyeon uses the pause to call a server over.

The three order their drinks to get started on and Hakyeon snubs Ravi's choice to simply order a beer while they're at a bar.

"You can easily go to a liquor store for beer, why go to an overpriced establishment for beer?"

Without any hesitation, Jaehwan nods his head along in agreement, "It's true."

"Wha- Jaehwan! You're supposed to be on my side," Ravi shouts (even though Jaehwan is not even a foot away from his side) in disbelief.

"I will not be on the side of illogical reasoning." Hakyeon holds out his fist towards Jaehwan and he bumps it in return.

"How is it illogical?"

A beat later Hakyeon shoves the one-page menu with various cocktails and mixtures in Ravi's face. "Out of all of these options, you chose measly beer, and not even the house beer, but the beer you can find in a corner store." Ravi snatches the menu out of Hakyeon's hand and slams it down on the table like it's out of his sight forever.

"Fine, fine, I'll order something else then," Ravi surrenders as he throws his back into the cushion of the booth.

"One shouldn't mix their drinks," Jaehwan cautions and Ravi becomes a tangled mass of limbs and incoherent swear words.

Hakyeon and Jaehwan double over in laughter at Ravi's full blown freakout. As amusing as it is, it's also pretty pitiful to see him struggle over drink options.

"Calm down, I was just joking." Jaehwan rests his hand on Ravi's shoulder, trying to soothe him into a relaxed state again.

Ravi pretends to be all huffy and puffy as if Jaehwan's joke was the most offensive thing he's heard all week. Since the angry Ravi still isn't settled, Jaehwan decides to take it up a notch and pouts and pleads for Ravi to stop being mad at him. It's so obvious that Ravi just wants to see Jaehwan's lips at their full potential. Ever since Hakyeon has known the two, Ravi has always pretended to be annoyed to see Jaehwan pout because "it's the cutest thing he's ever witnessed".

"Tch," Hakyeon scoffs at the scene and the two break up, "He's right anyway. You shouldn't have beer before liquor."

"So...are you guys saying I just wasted my money?"

A second goes by as Hakyeon pauses and stares at Ravi. "Yes," he starts slowly, "Yes, that's exactly what this whole conversation is about. Yes, you did waste money on overpriced beer."

Gradually, the outer corners of Ravi's lips sink as his eyes fall to the glossy wooden table, finally letting the situation dawn on him.

"Come on, let's just switch drinks, I'm not really in the mood for liquor anyway," Hakyeon chuckles and Ravi perks up again at the kind gesture.

"Awe! He's so nice," Jaehwan acclaims as he repeatedly pats Ravi's back, knocking him over with each hit, "Isn't our hyung so nice?" Hakyeon laughs again as he waves off Jaehwan's compliment and tells him to be quiet.

Moments later, the server comes back to the table with their drinks and once they leave, Hakyeon and Ravi switch their drinks. Ravi proposes that he and Jaehwan do a love shot together and Hakyeon could gag on the spot. Is this how Hakyeon and 'He Whose Name Shan't Be Spoken' looked three years ago? That can't be possible, Ravi is on other levels of being disgusting while dating. Luckily for Hakyeon eyes, Jaehwan shut Ravi's pleads down once and for all and the two drink like normal civilized people.

As the drinks in their glasses lower in content, the three catch up on bizarre yet cool tattoos Ravi and Jaehwan had to draw up in the past month, Jaehwan's confidence with a needle gradually increasing, and what Hakyeon knows about their current pop culture. That's one thing Hakyeon can't deny he likes about Mimi. If it wasn't for his valuable employee, he would actually walk around like the hermit he sometimes feels he is. Sure, news about entertainment and celebrities is impractical, but it's something as small as who's dating who that makes him feel like he's still a part of society. It also helps with conversing in situations like these.

"I'm surprised there's a lot of dating news in the media lately," Jaehwan speaks up after taking a swig of his blue booze.

"It's always that way in the beginning of summer," Hakyeon shrugs, "What is it about the heat and sweat that makes people fall in love with each other?"

"Wow, why so petty?" Ravi questions him with a chuckle and earns a particular stare from the man, "Is it because  _ you _ don't have anybody to be sweaty and sticky with in the summer?"

"Shut up. And I'm not interested in relationships anymore, remember?" Hakyeon reminds him and chugs some of the beer down, already dreading where this conversation is about to go.

"Nobody believes you when you say that."

"You'll believe it when I die alone."

Jaehwan reaches out and holds Hakyeon's lone hand on the table and gives it a gentle squeeze, "That's exactly what we're scared of." Hakyeon jerks his hand away from the grip. "Did you know that they say single people die quicker than married people?"

"Who's they?" Hakyeon asks as he brings the rim of the beer bottle up to his lips.

"You know, they, them... the people," Jaehwan whispers and looks over his shoulder out the window.

Hakyeon rolls his eyes at the antic. "Seeing you two happy together is enough for me," he insists.

"But what about double dates?!"

"Jae, I will choke you."

"And I will kill you," Ravi intervenes to protect his man.

Hakyeon shrugs in a truce, "Fair enough."

This, Hakyeon thinks to himself, is why he can't go out with couples, or more specifically Jaehwan and Ravi. They'll just rub their couple-ness in his face and try to force him to join the dark side with them. He won't fall for that again. No matter how lonely he feels playing solitaire or how many times he wishes he had somebody beside him to ask for a second opinion on whether he should buy from the special deal of the day. He has Lina and she always (usually) recommends the best fashion and accessories (only when he agrees with her).

Hakyeon figures if he's going to deal with a drunk couple all night he might as well get buzzed himself. Despite what they said earlier, Hakyeon asks Jaehwan to let him taste a little bit of his fruity concoction and he wishes he would have ordered his own. Fuck it, the bakery closes early tomorrow, he's going to have his own and enjoy it.

Hakyeon pauses and wonders if he's still the same person because now he doesn't recognize his own thoughts. When was the last time he told himself "fuck it and enjoy it"...oh wait... He quickly pulls himself away from where that train of thought will inevitably leave him and chugs the beer so he can order whatever it is Jaehwan is having.

Ravi is in the middle of explaining to them what tattoo he wants next - he has a sleeve and a half and wants to add more to his chest - as Hakyeon nods along to what he's saying. It's all meaningful quotes and symbols that he is sure he won't remember tomorrow so instead of paying full attention, he makes a mental note to ask Ravi about it later with a clear mind.

Later, when Hakyeon is able to handle the shit that is spewing from Ravi's mouth (he gets it, Jaehwan is naturally cute and a nice fuck, but does he have to remind the whole table every five minutes), he decides it's time to slow down. He still has to be conscious enough to dial the number for a taxi.

Once he pushes the tempting glass away from himself, he finally observes the rest of the place. It's a decent size and has that feel that it's owned by a local family, maybe just a couple, or well singles own establishments too - he would know. The music is just upbeat enough to keep you from dozing off but light enough to keep a laid-back atmosphere. That could also be why the place is busy but there's only a soft murmur of voices spread across the air. The warm mocha browns decorating the walls and furniture add to the fuzzy feeling in Hakyeon's chest and he feels like he might actually come back one day.

There's a rise in volume over to the left side of the joint and Hakyeon automatically looks over to see what's happening like any other nosy human would. It appears to just be a group of white collar employees. For a second, Hakyeon wonders when he and his employees last went out together like those guys. Is he a bad boss? He's going to have to schedule a night out with everybody to confirm that he's not a bad boss.

Another round of laughter comes from the table and Hakyeon's eyes immediately snap back to the small sea of white, loosely unbuttoned shirts. And then he hears it. The deep laugh that sounds like it's bouncing over waves in the ocean and brightened by the sun. Hakyeon's sure he's not drunk enough to hallucinate sounds but there's no way that laugh is in the same bar as him. Yet, deep down, Hakyeon knows there is absolutely a chance of that happening and it terrifies him.

Slowly, he brings his gaze to clearly inspect the faces of the office workers. All he sees are the wrinkles of middle aged men with some women amongst them until he comes across a particularly young looking woman and next to her…

Immediately, Hakyeon tries to call the attention of his friends to tell them they have to leave. Ravi asks why before Jaehwan can get his "why" out and all Hakyeon states is that there's no time to explain, they have to go now. Not catching on to the urgency in Hakyeon's voice, Ravi tries to stall him so they can call a server over to pay.

"No, we have to go  _ now _ ," Hakyeon claims with more vigor.

He grabs both of their wrists to drag them out of the booth. He makes sure to hold onto the two tightly as he runs out of the bar with them struggling to keep up beside him.

"Hyung, what the fuck is going on?" Jaehwan yells in confusion that is completely called for and Hakyeon just shouts back that he'll explain later as he “takes them as far away from that despicable building as he possibly can.


	2. Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii.... heh  
> I'm back, I was never gone, I just needed space from this drama and this universe, okay? But I'm back  
> And honestly, I thought this chapter was going to be way shorter than it is so I had apologies and ish planned but...nevermind?  
> Also, I usually have multiple people beta read my writing cause I don't trust my drafts but so far only one person has...  
> Enjoy peeps

The smell of disinfectant spray wafts through the air of the tattoo parlor as Ravi makes his way around to clean all the surfaces, cushions and seats for the start of the day. The strong scent helps to wake Ravi up after staying up all night worrying if his name is plastered all over the news. Just how many CCTV's caught them running out of the bar? They're bound to know his name, his occupation, his schooling, and his parents all by now, or so he tells himself. Ravi's thoughts are interrupted as the front door swings open as hard as it can, which isn't very hard thanks to the overhead door closer controlling the speed.

"What the hell was that yesterday?" Jaehwan blurts, forgetting his morning greeting as he makes his way across the room to Ravi.

"Like I fucking know. You didn't see anything on the news last night, did you?" Ravi asks warily and sets down his towel and multipurpose spray.

"News? Wait what why, you think we're going to jail?" Jaehwan's eyes immediately widen at the prospect. The consequence of being shipped off to jail never entered his mind until now.

"I don't know! We could!" Ravi shrugs exaggeratedly, using his hands and all. He pauses as a new and tragic idea strikes his brain. He gazes longingly at Jaehwan, who's barely foot away from him as if he's across the country. "I don't know what I'll do without you if you go to jail," his deep voice cracks at the mere thought of having to spend a day without seeing that tall, tall nose and those puppy-like brown eyes.

As Ravi whines, wailing about how he'll miss Jaehwan, his palms smoosh Jaehwan's poor cheeks and forces his already pouty lips together like a fish. A roll of the eyes from Jaehwan goes by unnoticed.

"Rav-Ravi, please, it's too early for this, I barely woke up," Jaehwan mumbles through his smashed lips before finally peeling Ravi's hands off his face.

Ravi gives Jaehwan his needed space as he takes a step back and leans his hand against the table beside him. "I can't believe Hakyeon just ditched us without saying anything."

"I can't believe you tripped over your own feet running after him," Jaehwan recalls, trying to suppress his laughter.

"I didn't trip over my own feet, there was ass huge crack in the sidewalk."

"No, Wonshik, there wasn't."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry."

Ravi sighs, realizing how he snapped at the elder and lowers his tone. "It's okay. Anyways," Ravi starts again, handing off his cleaning supplies to Jaehwan, "All I know is that Hakyeon better have his butt in here and explain what the hell happened."

"Watch, he's going to try to hide from us now, 'cause that's what he's best at," Jaehwan states, saying the last part under his breath and continues the task Ravi stopped doing.

"Probably." Ravi leaves Jaehwan with his job and saunters over to the glass door to flip the closed sign to open (he's always claimed to have liked the aesthetic more than a bright red and blue flashing neon sign). Upon looking up from the plastic card, his eyes are greeted by the ostentatious and incredibly fake smile plastered on Hakyeon's face outside the door. "Nevermind, Hwannie, he's here."

A series of rapid taps against the glass door came from Hakyeon as if Ravi and him weren't making straight eye contact. Ravi yanks the door open, interrupting the annoying tapping, and shows Hakyeon his own forged grin.

"Hi, criminal," Ravi greets him as Hakyeon pushes his way into the parlor with a snarl to plop down on the spot that fits his butt perfectly on the couch. "Do we have a warrant out for our arrest or what?"

"No, stupid," Hakyeon jeers and wipes his face with his hands, catching a bit of sweat that formed on his forehead. "I went to the bar early this morning and I paid _twice_ the amount we owed them so now we're their favorite patrons. Everything is good."

"I don't think dining and dashing makes you anybody's favorite patrons..."

"Look, we may have dined and dashed, but I paid twice, TWICE the amount okay? Money can make anybody your favorite, haven't you learned that by now?"

Ravi rolls his eyes as he mumbled a 'whatever'. "As long as I'm not going to jail. I'm not one of those CEOs who can go to jail and still make money on the outside with a huge company. I'm just a small business owner," Ravi grumbles and slips Hakyeon a glare before sitting on his stool near one of the client chairs.

"You know you're not the only one with a business to run, right?" Hakyeon reminds the fussy tattoo artist.

Before Hakyeon and Ravi get into one of their bickering sessions, Jaehwan quickly jumps in and raises his hand to draw their attention. "Now that that's out the way, you still need to answer the real question: Why the hell did you make us leave like that in the first place? What were you running away from?"

Hakyeon can make a rebuttal and ask Jaehwan how does he know there was something he ran from. Instead, there's a clear image of the face from yesterday disrupting his thoughts and the bright laugh that brings Hakyeon back to when one might argue he was the happiest he was in a long time. However, at the same time, he never wanted to relive those memories and stayed afraid of what they might make him feel.

"I...saw something scary," Hakyeon claims and looks up at Jaehwan's with the best acting his can muster on the spot, trying to sell his petrified soul.

"Oh yeah? What was so scary?"

"A ghost."

Jaehwan's gasp fills the whole room as he stares back at Hakyeon with the same wide eyes before promptly dropping his own act. "Seriously, what did we almost become criminals for?"

"Fine," Hakyeon sighs as he lowers his eyes down to the ground, unable to tell the truth and look at Jaehwan as the same time, "I saw Sanghyuk."

The gasp that comes next is even sharper than the last as the younger cups his cheeks in disbelief. "Oh my gosh. Well, that doesn't really explain why you had to run away, you could have just been civil and pretend to not see him."

"Did you or did you not see the shit I went through with him?" Hakyeon counters with a raised and intriguing brow. Jaehwan opens his mouth to say something, most likely a 'but', and Hakyeon quickly shuts him down. "No, I'm not going through this again with you. I'm ending this conversation."

"I'm reopening it, how 'bout that?" It's Hakyeon's turn to roll his eyes now and tunes out his so-called best friend as he picks up one of the old magazines on end table and begins mindlessly flipping through the pages. Jaehwan ignores Hakyeon ignoring him. "Hyuk still thinks about you!" he blurts and even Ravi gasps as he slaps his own mouth.

Hakyeon's fingers falter over the flimsy magazine paper. The muscles creeping up from his shoulders to his neck gradually tense just from the one statement and Hakyeon tries to control his urge to rip the page in his hand.

"And how do you know this, Jaehwan?" he nearly hisses as his eyes stay trained on female modeling one of the ugliest purses he's probably ever seen.

"Um," Jaehwan stutters, realizing this dangerous waters he's now treading in, "Well, you know, sometimes, every now and then, Hyuk asks how you're doing and whatnot and I tell him..."

"You what?!" Hakyeon shouts as he slams the magazine against the end table, making Jaehwan jump. "You talk to him about _me_ , behind my back?!" Hakyeon rages and stands up, about to make his way to Jaehwan until Ravi perks up to stop the murder of his boyfriend. Hakyeon shakes him off like he's a strand of annoying hair caught on his shirt but doesn't approach Jaehwan any further. "Tell me. What exactly do you guys talk about?"

Jaehwan coughs and clears his throat to stall his time and finds himself looking at everything but the enraged being standing in front of him. "Hyuk only asks how you're doing and every time I only tell him you're doing fine," Jaehwan says cautiously so the fire in Hakyeon's eyes can calm down. "When things between you two first...broke off, he used to ask me every day but it's not nearly as often anymore. But even after three years, the fact remains that Hyuk still cares to some extent. So maybe, you two can just at least be civil towards each other?"

Hakyeon scoffs, placing his hands on his hips as he turns away from Jaehwan. "I can't believe this," he exclaims then points at both of the men in the room. "I don't ever want to hear Hyuk's name brought up again."

"You brought him up first," Ravi whispers and instantly backs up, bracing himself for a blow.

"And that'll be the last time," Hakyeon claims, letting down Ravi's expectations.

Before Hakyeon hears any more bad news about what else was spoken about behind his back, he heads to the door to leave. A small, "Sorry, Hyung," comes from behind him and he can only sigh as he walks out of the parlor.

* * *

 

Luckily, just as always, the bakery proved to be a good distraction. No need to think about the betrayer Jaehwan, and his friend… Sanghyuk, while ordering more stock. In addition, the shop closed early meaning more relaxation time for Hakyeon, maybe a nice long nap and some sort of junk food like pizza.

The elevator doors ding open, letting him step foot inside the metal doors. Hopefully, Hakyeon thinks, there will be a new restaurant menu taped to his door, waiting for him to try something new, or possibly something old with a new recipe.

His feet automatically take him in the direction of his apartment and the thought of food quickly evades Hakyeon’s mind as he finally pays attention to what’s in front of him. If he quietly runs away now, maybe he can get away with it again. As soon as his foot hits the laminate wood flooring to dash out the building, he hears the young man call out to him.

“Hyung?”

Dammit, Hakyeon thinks, I should really start working on a treadmill. “What are you doing here, Sanghyuk?” Hakyeon asks, his voice laced from weariness already.

“I came to talk.” Sanghyuk looks up at him with a bleak expression from his place on the floor in front of Hakyeon’s door and hurriedly stuffs his phone in his back pocket.

“Oh, really? You came to ‘talk’ after almost three whole years?” Why now of all times, tell me, what makes today so special?” Hakyeon chides, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he reluctantly pads over to Sanghyuk.

“Hyung, this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to meet you like this,” Sanghyuk says simply against Hakyeon’s defense, “I can’t even count how many times I tried to come here and talk but chickened out every time I made it to your building or even the bakery sometimes… But last night, I saw you run away from the bar and I figured it was time to stop, I couldn’t let what happened last time happen again. So, I finally built up the courage to be here, and talk. So I’m here.”

“Oh,” Hakyeon utters and drops his arms, watching Sanghyuk as he rises to his feet.

He ushers Sanghyuk out the way to unlock his door and holds it open, quietly waiting for Sanghyuk to step inside first. Once inside, Hakyeon drops his shoulder bag on the floor next to the small pile of shoes he really needs to clean up. He frustratedly kicks off his tennis shoes, one sock still clinging to his foot so he pulls it off and makes them join the disorganized pile before shuffling his way over to Hyuk who’s sitting at the square glass dinner table patiently.

“So...what did you want to talk about?” Hakyeon murmurs as he takes his seat at the table. Even he knows the innocent card is one game he’s bad at. The dumb question catches Sanghyuk off guard and all he can do is give Hakyeon a look for a brief second.

“I miss you, Hyung-

“Hyuk,” Hakyeon speaks up, cutting off Sanghyuk’s thought, “Stop right there. It’s been _years_ , there’s no way you should still be hung up about this, or me. And I know you’re still talking about me to Jaehwan and that has to stop too. Everything is over, okay?”

“If everything is over, then why did you run away? And you were about to do it again, I saw you!” Sanghyuk pauses, letting himself calm down and gathered what he wanted to say again. “You can’t act like I don’t know you, that I don’t know how things and people constantly affect you whether you’re aware of it or not. And this time, you’re not the only one. Every day, for a year, I thought about ways I could apologize. I had speeches scripted, venues planned out, I even saved up money on the side to get ready to splurge on you. Honestly, I had no clue what I would actually do because you’re the first person I’ve gone through this with, but I want to do one thing for certain.”

Hakyeon’s eyebrow quirks up in curiosity as Sanghyuk reaches into his front pocket to take something out and sets it on the table between the two. It first strikes Hakyeon as a belt but it’s too small. At a second look, it’s obviously a collar. However, open closer inspection, he recognizes the color of the leather and the stitching used and realizes it matches the old cuff set the two used in the past.

“I bought this the same day I last saw you in the corner store… When I bought it, I was hoping that there would still be a chance we might get together and I could wear it for you. I wanted to make up for my mistake and show how I really wanted things to work again and this collar stood as a symbol of that for me. I just...never expected it would take three years to finally show it to you.”

“Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon starts doesn’t know how to finish, stunned by the younger’s vast amount of dedication and endearment towards himself. He had replies in his read, ready to kick Sanghyuk out after hearing whatever he had to say, but now after Sanghyuk baring his heart out on his sleeve, completely vulnerable to what might spill out of his mouth, that’s all gone.

“You didn’t make a mistake. There’s nothing to make up for.” A sigh escapes Hakyeon’s lips as his fingers curl within his hands, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the leather. He can tell how his words confused the younger just from the creases forming on the outer corners of his eyes. “Things became different, and I realized that we weren’t meant to last, and probably shouldn’t have been together in the first place.”

The statement leaves a sour taste in Sanghyk’s mouth as he scrunches up his lips in a tight line. “How can you say that? How-how can you just make that decision by yourself? Doesn’t what I have to say and feel matter at all? Also, I will own up to what I did, I know you and I should have tried harder to maintain the relationship, to let you know I still cared, just like I should have tried harder to contact you sooner. I admit that.”

“I can’t let you say that. You were young, okay, and yet you did so much for me alone, more than anybody and that includes Jaehwan. Don’t ever think I didn’t know you tried hard,” Hakyeon assures him, finally looking Sanghyuk in the eye for the first time since he’s sat down.

“So then, why can’t we be…us? I don’t understand. I’m obviously not as young as I was and I know I’ll be able to care for you better now. I’m not an intern, I’m not a student still trying to figure shit out and juggle everything. There should be no reason why ‘we weren’t meant to last’ and can’t just try again, especially since I still love you.”

“What?” Hakyeon stammers out and clutches onto his pants. “How could you possibly, still love me? That was years ago, Hyuk, and whether you believe it or not, I already moved on. You should do the same and find somebody else you can splurge on.”

“Do _you_ believe it? Do you seriously not know how I could still love you or are you playing dumb again?” A chuckle slips pasts Sanghyuk’s lip, his voice cracking as if he’s trying to keep himself from breaking down. “You were so important, so special to me, how could you not know?”

Before Hakyeon can even respond, Sanghyuk nearly slides out of his chair as he kneels on the ground beside Hakyeon’s legs. The only thing Hakyeon feels like he can do is watch apprehensively as Sanghyuk reaches for his hand. He flinches at the touch but doesn’t pull away or try to stop Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk takes this a sign that it’s okay and brings his hand closer to lean his forehead against it.

“Of course you don’t know, we wouldn’t be in this situation if you did. I should have let you known the huge part you played in my life earlier. I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I’ve missed you so much, Hyung.”

“Hyuk…” Hakyeon mutters faintly.

Apparently, his voice is still loud enough to hear since Sanghyuk raises his head again, meeting Hakyeon with red irritated eyes and tears messily spread across his cheekbones. Hakyeon takes a hard swallow at the sight. It’s already distressful enough to see Sanghyuk so close to him _and_ in his own home, but now with the hurt being visible in Sanghyuk’s eyes, there’s a block of ice sitting in the middle of Hakyeon’s chest.

“Shh, don’t cry, please don’t cry, I can’t see you cry,” Hakyeon urges as he sniffles once himself and uses his free hand to stroke through Sanghyuk’s disheveled brown hair, a gesture that’s as natural to him as breathing.

“C’mere,” he calls and helps Sanghyuk up by his upper arms to lift him off his knees and into his lap. Sanghyuk’s tears are wiped away by Hakyeon’s thumb and shirt sleeve as tries to breathe through his shaking body and relax. Hakyeon cups his cheeks and feels the younger man resting into the palm of his hand while his shoulders gradually stop bouncing and lets out a relieved sigh. “My baby boy…”

“W-What did you just say?”

“Huh? Oh. I said… I said pain knee, oy, ‘cause you know, you’re sitting on my lap,” Hakyeon fabricates and has to keep himself from cringing. Sanghyuk grins knowingly but hides it from Hakyeon, resting forward against his shoulder and lets his shirt soak up the remainder of the wetness on his face.

Time inattentively passes as the two stay the same way until Hakyeon realizes he shouldn’t be doing this, even if a small part of him that didn’t know he still had wants too. He shouldn’t hold Sanghyuk so close to him, he shouldn’t be smell Sanghyuk’s familiar scent mixed with the clean, crisp scent of his cologne that reminds him of the sea, and he definitely shouldn’t stare at Sanghyuk’s lips. His bottom lip is unevenly chapped like he’s been biting at them until he quickly swipes his tongue over to moisten it. Even so, they’re still as inviting as they’ve always been.

Hakyeon can continue to hear the multiple things screaming at him in his head, telling him what and what not to do. It’s so overwhelming that he tunes it all out and instead lets Sanghyuk’s eyes pull him in.

Sanghyuk freezes in place at the touch of their lips, not fully registering what’s happening. Yet, he doesn’t have to think about it when his hands instinctively take hold of Hakyeon’s shirt and kisses him back. Their lips stay pressed together, moving in their own rhythm, and Hakyeon relishes in the dreamlike moment before waking up.

“Wait, Hyuk, I… We can’t,” Hakyeon sputters to himself after pulling away, leaving Sanghyuk dumbfounded.

“But, why?”

Hakyeon raises his hand from Sanghyuk’s waist only to caress his cheek again, letting his thumb brush against the soft skin. “I just... God Sanghyuk.” There was no way to ignore those sparkly and puppy-like eyes boring into him. Even Hakyeon could see the one last string of hope Sanghyuk kept hidden in them.

“What?” Sanghyuk blurts out, truly confused by what’s going on now.

“I...I don’t know anymore,” and he doesn’t care as his other hand spreads across Sanghyuk’s back, pulling him in for another kiss. It’s almost surprising that touching doesn’t feel any different and this time, he welcomes those memories of loving Sanghyuk in the past instead of pushing them away.

Without more questions, Hakyeon grips the back of Sanghyuk’s thighs (takes notes that they’re as firm as ever) and holds him as he stands up from the dining table. He continues carrying the younger and bigger man back to his bedroom as Sanghyuk struggles to calm his nervous hands holding onto Hakyeon’s shoulder and nape.

Hakyeon carefully lowers Sanghyuk in his bed when his knees bump against the edge of the frame. Soon after, he crawls in the bed and rests his weight on top of Sanghyuk’s body, feeling how they fit into each other. Sanghyuk’s hands rest on his hips as Hakyeon gradually makes his way down from his lips, his neck, and to his collarbone peeking out from the collar of his shirt. The little bit of skin is peppered with small kisses, Hakyeon barely brushing his lips over it at some parts until Sanghyuk pushes him back by his shoulders so they can make eye contact again.

“What’s wrong, Hyuk?”

“I know how things must’ve been for you,” Sanghyuk comments, his voice shaking a bit, “and I want you to take it all out on more. Everything. Use me to let out the anger and stress I made you feel.” Before Hakyeon opens his mouth to speak, Sanghyuk can see the weary look on his face. “Please, I can handle it,” Sanghyuk begs him and lifts his hands above his head to prove it.

There’s a momentary pause as Hakyeon’s eyes stay connected to Sanghyuk’s before his fingers grab his shirt and lifts it over his head, tossing it somewhere else on the bed. While pressing his hand flat on Sanghyuk’s bare stomach, he leans down to place a soft fluttery kiss against Sanghyuk’s chest.

“This is what I want,” Hakyeon blatantly states in his gentle voice, making Sanghyuk slowly bring down his arms. “And I want you to know I don’t feel anything except-

Sanghyuk cuts him off, jutting his hips up from the bed from the sudden vibration coming from his back pocket.

“Huh, I didn’t know you came prepared…”

“I didn’t. I’m sorry, sorry just ignore that,” Sanghyuk babbles as he scrambles to get his phone out of his pants to stop the vibration. Just as quickly as the phone went off, he mutes the device and sets it down on Hakyeon’s nightstand before lying back down and acts like nothing happened.

Hakyeon can only chuckle at the act and kisses the flustered Sanghyuk, calling him cute. As much as Hyuk used to scorn that word in the past, he’s missed hearing it some much that he doesn’t even want to debate it.

Sanghyuk’s arms find their way around Hakyeon’s slim waist as the elder playfully nips at his lips. There’s no rush in the air between them as they’re left all night to themselves. If he wants, which he really wants to, Hakyeon can lay there for hours just tasting Sanghyuk’s lips and be squeezed between those thighs that he’s missed oh so much. The light coming out in the peripheral of Hakyeon’s vision suggests he’s found his light to Heaven, but instead it’s just Sanghyuk’s phone again.

“I think somebody really wants to talk to you,” Hakyeon jeers, looking at Sanghyuk with an amused smile.

“No, no, it’s nothing, ignore it, it should go away,” Sanghyuk says, unconvincingly, and hopes his dumb phone stops.

“I’m serious, Hyuk. Just answer the damn phone already so it’s not going off all night,” Hakyeon presses and grabs the cellphone for him. Though the phone is on silent, the caller id is still bright in Hakyeon’s view. Hakyeon’s expression is completely wiped clean as he ignores Sanghyuk’s permission to see what other messages were sent.

“From ‘My Girl… ‘Did you forget about movie night?’,” Hakyeon reads aloud. “What?!” he hollers with a grip so tight on the phone he might bend the metal.

“Wait, no it’s not what it looks like-

“Really? ‘Cause it looks like you’re cheating on your ‘Girl’ with me?! You have a girlfriend? And, and! It looks like you had a date today, huh?” he shouts then manages to grab Sanghyuk’s shirt without looking and shoves both items into his chest. “That’s just disgusting.”

“It’s not like that, I promise!” Sanghyuk cries out, desperately trying to get a chance to explain himself but Hakyeon is already pushing him halfway out of his bed. “I’ve been meaning to- I’m going to break up with her.”

“Get the fuck out of my house, Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon demands, unable to hide his breaking voice as he points to his bedroom door. “I can’t believe you.”

The shuffling of feet and clothes echoes somewhere between Hakyeon’s ears and his brain as his vision fails to focus itself. The only thing that he’s possibly able to sense is a fire erupting within him, clawing at him from the inside in an attempt to drag him to Hell.

The sound of the front door slamming closed pushes a heavy breath out of him, bringing him back to the edge of his bed. He nearly hiccups on the tears his muscles are restraining.

Anywhere but here. He so desperately wants to go back to flames and see the red envelop him, where he won’t be able to feel the filth left on his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy? I hope you did. Do you hate me? I hope you do too, it'll actually mean a lot if you hate me, or cried  
> You know what, type that ish in the comments how about them apples
> 
> If you wanna catch me on twitters for updates about this story (like me being in the hospital and then in a hurricane back to back so I wasn't in a writing mood..coughnonexcusescough) then follow me on twitter @taekwoncheeks


	3. Becoming a Lost One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry .-.
> 
> Well, I suddenly got the urge to write so I produced this in the wee hours of the morning. I'm too excited to post this so it's only been read over once by somebody else but it should be good to go. However, there may be edits later on.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.
> 
> (I keep forgetting to mention this, I have "tattooed wonshik" and yes I understand the man irl is tattooed I just wanted to imply that he has even more tattoos you know? Kk go read now)

“Yo, Potato Nose!”

“Wha- OW!” Sanghyuk gasps in pain as he reaches for the back of his head that has just been smacked. “What the hell was that?”

“What happened to movie night yesterday? You blew me off AND ignored my calls - what the hell is that?” Sanghyuk’s girlfriend asks and forgets her indoor voice for as she sets down a filled coffee cup for him.

“I’m really sorry, Sojung. Honestly… I forgot we made those plans,” Sanghyuk speaks without meeting her angry gaze.

Sojung stands there, tiny paper cup in hand, gaze piercing his thick skull as if she doesn’t believe his excuse. “I called you.” She simply states.

“About that…” Sanghyuk starts again, suddenly feeling warm in his little cubicle. He can’t get the right words to come out. There are no right words, but he needs to say something and not just anything. Sanghyuk knows what he needs to say, something he’s put for about two years but has been too scared to say anything. Riding on the wave of courage he somehow felt yesterday, he finally speaks up again. “Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Oh,” Sojung gasps. Sanghyuk already knows what that sounds like to her and he hates it. He shouldn’t be doing this to her. “Um, what about?”

“I think it’s best if we just talk at lunch. You know, where there aren’t eavesdropping coworkers,” Sanghyuk comments, not even needing to turn around to know Sungjae in the desk adjacent to him just ducked behind his computer monitor. He can hear the spontaneous roll of pencils that have been moved.

“Right… I’ll see you at lunch then. See ya, Sungjae,” and with that, Sojung scurries off, nearly crushing her paper cup before taking a quick gulp and throwing the cup in the nearest bin that she passes.

There goes the rest of his productivity for the day.

In all honesty, Sojung is a great girlfriend to him, but an even better friend - which is what Sanghyuk wishes they still were. He doesn’t even know how their relationship got to this point. The change happened so seamlessly. One day, she was there for him to lean on after he was still trying to pick up the pieces from Hakyeon and the next, he woke up in bed with her next to him.

He doesn’t know how that step was made, but it happened, and it changed them. The regret haunts him ever since that day and all he wishes is that he could just erase it and have his best friend back. However, he _thought_ he could never hurt her and their relationship so he trudged along for nearly two years, pretending in his head that they were only really close and intimate friends and hoping one day she would make the first move.

He can only hope now that she remembers and understands how important Hakyeon is to him and won’t take what he’s going to say to heart. And who knows, if he becomes single again, maybe just maybe...he can try again with Hakyeon? The thought is almost painful to think about when he remembers the horrified look on Hakyeon’s face the other day. Perhaps he could come up with a way to show how serious he is about this and Hakyeon might listen to him?

He wonders for a second if there’s another asshole as big as him on the face of the earth as he downs the cold coffee in front of him.

 

* * *

 

Which one is more nerve-racking? Waiting in front of Hakyeon’s apartment for him, or stalling to meet Sojung in their usual cafe. It’s pretty hard for Sanghyuk to decide as he speculates how much stress can a person take before they die of it. Naver tells him it may take years just as he almost walks into the mint door of the petite cafe. He can see her waiting at their usual table through the glares on the glass and he puffs up his chest before walking through.

When he reaches their table she informs him that she already ordered what he usually eats at their usual table in their usual cafe and it kills him. And it’s only going to continue. He pulls out the chair and sits down, intending to get straight to the point so this doesn’t have to drag on any more than it needs to.

“You remember my ex, right?” The words come out Sanghyuk before he can stop that and maybe that’s a good thing.

“Yeah, you mean the one who dumped you in a convenient store right?” She answers, taking a sip of the water in front of her. “Still can’t believe somebody would do that, and then _I_ had to be the one to nurse you that night,” she scoffs with a click of her tongue.

There sounds to be an agenda in her words, but Sanghyuk can’t quite pick it up. Is he too obvious? “Yeah… Well uh get this: I ran into them again for the first time since that happened—”

“Uh huh.”

“—And you know when you feel like you only have one chance at something, something that’s nearly in your grasp but not quite?”

“What if I say no?” The words cut right into Sanghyuk, filling his throat with blood that isn’t really there yet it’s keeping him from speaking. The look of dread is so painfully plastered on his face that Sojung quickly opens her mouth again, “I’m kidding, Hyuk. Lemme guess, you think you have another chance with your ex that left you out to dry so… you wanna break up?”

Sanghyuk winces at how blatantly she says it. “Um, yeah? I mean, despite whatever happened you know how much they've always meant to me,” he believes he sees Sojung wince now, “and I believe they’re the ‘right’ person for me and I was hoping that you would understand that? Wow saying it out loud really makes me an asshole, doesn’t it?”

“Just a little bit,” she comments, measuring his assholeness with her fingertips. He would laugh if he didn’t feel so horrible.

“Sojung, honestly, if anybody understands this, it’s you.” He can’t even recall a number of times he talked about his relationship with her: bragging about the things they did together, crying to her when it ended. He remembers her having to shove his semi-unconscious and unbalanced body from bars into taxis and he can only imagine the drunken rambles he had about Hakyeon to her. Even still, he appreciates everything she did back then. “I just, I need to see if I can make things between us work again.”

Sojung's lips tighten into a thin line and the conversation is momentarily broken as the waiter comes around and sets their food down. It’s exactly what he would want if he was in the mood to eat. The waiter says something that goes through Sanghyuk’s ears before he walks off.

There’s a moment of Sojung just staring down into her caesar salad before she sighs and picks up the fork that came with it. “If you come crawling back because she breaks your heart again, I’ll break your neck.” She stuffs her mouth with a forkful of leaves.

Sanghyuk barely catches to what she just said, not fully comprehending it. “Wait… is that it?” she looks, glares at him, blinking through her bangs before returning to her salad, pouring caesar dressing over it

“Good.”

Sanghyuk nods to himself though he still has no idea what the hell just happened. Well, he knows, he just doesn’t know _how_ it happened. He figures this must’ve been what it was like when they somehow got together in the first place. He makes a note in his head to make it his next mission to find somebody who’s actually worthy of her. But that would require them still talking to each other…

“Wait, are we still friends?” As quick as he asked the question he wishes he could take it back. Does he want to know the answer? How is he going to continue on without his best friend, the person that actually made his internship seem _fun_?

She actually looks like she’s thinking his question and he becomes scared once again. He holds his breath, waiting for her answer until she holds up a closed fist towards him. He stares at it before realizing what it is and gives her her fist bump.

“Of course, idiot.” Sanghyuk smiles for the first time that day as he releases a sigh that’s been building in him. “I’ll still break your neck though.” He chuckles before finally picking up his panini and taking his first bite.

On his way home, not his own home (he still lives with his parents except now he pays for his share of the rent until he can save up enough money to live with other roommates that aren’t his parents), he pulls his phone out of his back pocket. It’s probably not a good idea to text in the middle of a crowded bus as he holds onto the bus strap with one hand but oh well.

 

_dude you on?_

_yea why?_

_i got some stuff to tell you man, youre not gonna believe it_

_what what???_

_i think….i’m gonna see my ex today...maybe try again to work things out. i just need to figure out what to say first_

_……_

_so you gonna help or just throw out ellipsis?_

_yea yea ill help, you didn’t even give me any time geez_

 

Sanghyuk chuckles at the reply, earning a look from the elderly lady sitting in front but then quickly buries himself in the texts again, hoping he’s able to prove his sincerity later on.

* * *

 

The day feels like it’s finally winding down, or should be, as Hakyeon finishes his calculations for budgeting the bills of the bakery along with completing some of the payrolls for Wednesday. Usually, he would do these things for tomorrow but he really needed a distraction and what’s a better distraction than math. His calculator clatters against his desk as he sets it down to lean back in his leather probably pleather chair. He can practically hear the nap at home calling his name before his office door busts wide open.

“The guy won’t leave!” Mimi hollers, making Hakyeon snap and sit up straight.

“What? What guy?”

“The guy who you printed out and told us to kick out if we see him. That guy. I tried kicking him out and he won’t leave. What do I do?” Hakyeon blankly stares at her in disbelief. There’s no way.

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle it,” he tells her, unsure if he will actually be able to handle it. Dammit, he was so close to his nap and now he has to deal with this crap.

Though he knees are wobbly, he manages to stand up from his chair and leans against his desk to prepare himself mentally. The last person he wants to see, let alone think about after what happened is in his bakery for some reason that’s above him. There’s been a lot of things Hakyeon has done and put himself through but he’s never felt more disgusted and gross than last night. What’s worse is that his tattoo stares at him from the edge of his arm whispering, “I told you so,” and there’s nothing he can do about it except live with the consequences he asked for. With a heavy breath, Hakyeon stands up on his own before leaving the office to cross the kitchen into the dining and sales area.

Sure enough, there’s Sanghyuk waiting at one of the small tables set up for dining. At the sound of the employee door swinging back and forth, Sanghyuk jerks his head up and their eyes meet. Hakyeon clears his throat, trying to keep an air of professionalism about him, and reluctantly approaches Sanghyuk. His footsteps are steady but there’s a fire brewing in the back of his mind all over again as if Sanghyuk himself lit the match.

“You shouldn’t be here, you _can’t_ be here,” Hakyeon declares, the words bitter as they leave his throat and clutches onto the chair in front of him.

Sanghyuk manages to ignore the harsh tone and responds, “I broke up with Sojung. My gir- ex-girlfriend.” Hakyeon narrows his eyes on the boy, unable to fathom how that information is important right now considering what’s already been done. However, Sanghyuk continues on. “I want to talk about what happened.”

That catches Hakyeon’s attention because you know what, he may have something he wants to say and get off his chest too.

Hakyeon leads Sanghyuk back to where his office is, meanwhile quickly forming what he’s going to spout at Sanghyuk as soon as he can. Before those thoughts can fabricate themselves, Sanghyuk already blurts out his own.

“I broke up with her because I still love you.” The heavy wooden door shuts closed on its own, hitting Hakyeon in the back and it’s not the only thing that feels like it’s hit him. “I’m serious about us this time.”

“You should have thought about how ‘serious’ you were last night,” Hakyeon counters and walks over to his desk but doesn’t sit down.

“I’m serious. I want to live together like you, and be like how we were in the past.”

The past. Hakyeon’s hands ball up tightly, his tan knuckles becoming much whiter at that phrase. He’s spent the last few years drawing a thick line between himself and _the past_. Nothing about his life, or even his “relationship” with Sanghyuk is like how it was in the past and it can never be that way. The past is just that and he’ll be damned if he revisits anything from it. His wounds have scabbed over and been picked at over and over and he finally let them rest for once. And now, here’s Sanghyuk threatening to open them up again just to rub salt in them this time.

“I’m so tired,” Hakyeon speaks as he briefly shuts his eyes, his voice cracking over the words, “of you ignoring what things are between us, that in fact, there is no ‘us’. You’re too busy trying to barge your way into this life I’ve set up to even realize that I’m not the same person you knew back then. For starters, I don’t practice BDSM anymore. The very thought of any type of intimacy doesn’t appeal to me at all and I haven’t even touched anybody in three years until you came along last night and screwed that up. Furthermore, anything that does not relate to my business or my friends are gone. That includes you.”

“You know what really gets me? This whole time you haven’t reached out to me but you went and found yourself a girlfriend even though you ‘still love me’,” he gestures the quotations with his fingers, his sharp eyes dead set on Sanghyuk.

“I-I’m-”

“I don’t care and I don’t care about what you have to say, especially after that stunt you just pulled. Live together? Get the hell out of my bakery, Sanghyuk, and never come back. I don’t want to see your face again.” Hakyeon watches the way Sanghyuk’s shoulder slump down further than they were before as he drags his feet out of the office.

Once Hakyeon’s alone again, he feels how hot his face feels and quickly fans himself, letting himself fall back into his chair. All his energy is completely depleted but he ignores the blaring blue light from his computer screen that only tires his eyes more. All he needs to do is close his eyes for a few seconds he thinks as he lays his head on his desk.

Mimi slowly creeps into his office, the creak of the door announcing her entrance. Hakyeon opens his eyes to look at her but does no more from his spot. “Um, who was that guy?”

Hakyeon battles himself in his head, trying to decide if he should tell her or not. “Well… that was my old ex,” Mimi’s mouth opens up, “Yes the one you used to ask to meet all the time.”

After just closing it, she opens her mouth again but then the expression on her face softens as if she seemingly changed her mind against it and instead walks closer to him. With a light touch, she gives him a few pats on his shoulder that nearly lull him to sleep. “I’m sorry, Oppa, but, it’s gonna be okay.”

Hakyeon finally lifts his head though it feels like stone and glances at the time on his monitor. There’s not that much time left until the bakery closes so he might as well stay now to help everybody, plus, there’s still one more order for pick up today. He lets out a loud grunt that he can see startles Mimi but helps get the rest of the heavy rocks off his chest so he can get up.

In the midst of the time left, Bora finishes training Nayoung for the day and Mimi busies herself cleaning out the old display items, so Hakyeon decides to help the latter girl. They work together easily, Mimi getting rid of the cupcakes on the top shelf as Hakyeon deals with the miniature cakes on the shelves below.

While he’s bent over with a cake in hand, he hears the chimes at the front door, speculating that it must be the final order pick up. Bora greets the customer and the voice that replies makes him freeze in his place in the display case. There’s absolutely no way that’s the same voice. It’s been years and his memories could be scattered but he’s never heard quite a similar voice. With caution, Hakyeon backs out of the case with the cake in hand and when he rises, the face he sees spooks him so much he drops the cake in an attempt to… hide, cover his face?

All his employees and the man look at him shocked and Hakyeon quickly ducks behind the counter again to clean the ridiculous mess he made. Meanwhile, Bora orders Nayoung to go and grab some damp towels to help clean the floor. The man peers over the counter and Hakyeon hopes his fringe is long enough to cover most of his face from his angle.

“Is everything alright?” the man asks.

“Yes, everything is indeed alright,” Hakyeon answers with a perkiness that doesn’t match the situation he’s in.

As Hakyeon tries to keep his identity hidden, he listens in on Bora assisting the man and he claims that he’s there to pick up a cake. Bora asks for his name and there it goes: Jung Taekwoon. The voice and face were already proof enough for Hakyeon to ruin his wooden floors but hearing the name seals the envelope. Bora continues her business as usual before going off the get his order. Finally, Nayoung comes back with the towels and a trash bag and Hakyeon steals one from her to wipe off his hands. Ever so slowly, Hakyeon stands up again and realizes Taekwoon is watching him as he does so. He also notices that Taekwoon looks just as surprised as he felt.

“Hakyeon?”

Hakyeon raises his eyebrows in response real casual like, “Yeah?”

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Taekwoon comments.

“Actually it’s my bakery,” he corrects him.

Taekwoon’s eyes widen even more than before. “That’s great,” he speaks but it sounds like a whisper.

What feels like just in time, Bora brings his order from the kitchen. Business carries on more normal than it honestly should as Taekwoon pays for everything, but then he stands there with his box in hand, staring at Hakyeon.

The two stand there in silence as Bora looks between them both before slowly backing up into the kitchen.

The silence is broken by Taekwoon. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Yeah.” After peeling his eyes away from Taekwoon, he looks down at his hands, feeling a sticky layer drying over them even though he tried wiping them with the towel. “I should probably go wash my hands now.”

Before Taekwoon can utter any sort of goodbye, Hakyeon is already dodging his way into the kitchen, nearly running into Bora who’s standing on the opposite side of the swinging door.

“What the hell is going on in the bakery today?” Bora questions, just as puzzled as the rest of them.

“I wish I knew,” Hakyeon blurts out, his voice cracking for the second time that day, as he buries his face in Bora’s shoulder.

Mimi and Nayoung exchange glances as Bora reaches behind her to awkwardly yet gently pat her boss’s head. “There, there,” she mumbles before shrugging at the rest of the girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me on twitter: @taekwoncheeks


	4. Dark Movie Theater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking around for these late updates.  
> The continued views are greatly appreciated and the comments that were left really help me too.

Silence.

That’s all Hakyeon hears once he steps into his bakery. Silence.

He takes a deep breath, shoving his keys into his back pocket and trudges forward. After all that happened, he was sure somebody would show up at his front door last night or would catch somebody hanging outside his window. However, even now there’s nobody waiting outside his bakery. It’s so far so good, but Hakyeon tries to clear his head of these thoughts in case he jinxes something.

After setting up shop, everybody shows up one by one. The day runs smoothly as none of his employees question anything that happened the day before. Every time somebody opened their mouth, his piercing stare would shut them up, but hey, it worked. Everything that needs to be prepared is prepared and in the midst of it all, no other cakes have become part of his linoleum wood floor. However, he still can’t hold his breath.

And it’s a good thing he doesn’t. A curse escapes from under Hakyeon’s breath the moment he walks through the swinging door to the sales area. There’s Jung Taekwoon, simply sitting at one of his three round tables, leaning into the palm of his hand. Hakyeon briefly wishes he would’ve made a bet with Hana.

When Taekwoon notices Hakyeon, he immediately stands up as if he wasn’t waiting there for who knows how long and nearly knocks over his chair. Hakyeon’s stuck between laughing and cringing at his movements but keeps the same put together face he’s used to sporting by now.

“Um,” Taekwoon starts, cautiously tucking in his chair like he’s afraid it’s going to bite him, “Do you guys serve coffee?”

Unfortunately, Hakyeon never invested in getting a coffee machine or selling coffee drinks - a fact that can easily be known by taking a quick glimpse at the sale counter and inside the merchandiser refrigerator.

“...No, sorry we don’t serve coffee. Maybe, if I ever expand the business, the second location could have a coffee bar or something of the sorts?” Hakyeon suggests, his voice becoming more trustworthy with every word.

“Yeah, you guys could even turn into a full cafe,” Taekwoon comments as he slips his fingers into his front pockets.

The mere thought of expanding his business makes Hakyeon briefly chuckle. More so than that, talking about coffee and cafes, even for a quick second, sends Hakyeon years back to how they started whatever it was they had. He can clearly see the times when they went to a different place every other day just so Taekwoon can compare lattes and when they lounged around in his old dingy apartment, which was smaller than what he stays in now, and made instant coffee to study when they were too lazy or too cold to go out.

The nostalgia comes to him so easily, he’s practically overwhelmed with it. He thinks to himself, “God, you don't even look a day over 20,” and wonders how the hell can Taekwoon still look the same as in his memories. It’s when Taekwoon’s eyes widen that he realizes he may have said that out loud.

“Huh, while I don’t look over 20, you look like you must’ve drunk a youth potion.” Hakyeon cocks an eyebrow, playing Taekwoon’s statement back in his head until he speaks again. “...You look like you’ve aged backward,” Taekwoon further explains.

A burst of laughter overflows from Hakyeon’s mouth and he raises his hand to try to contain some of it. His eyes dart over to avoid the sparkle that just shone in Taekwoon’s eyes and he catches Bora in the corner with a blatant smirk plastered on her face, staring back at him. He immediately clears his throat, taking his hand down before facing Taekwoon again. “That was very cheesy,” is all he comments.

“I suppose it was,” Taekwoon lifts his hand to his neck, idly rubbing his fingertips against the skin as he lets out a small ripple of breath, a giggle. “Sorry.”

“It’s nothing to be sorry about, it made me laugh. So,” Hakyeon starts, “did you only come for the coffee?” If the lack of observation from two _visits_ was anything to go by, Hakyeon can suspect that there must be more.

“No, um, actually,” Taekwoon becomes animated as he steps over to the display and jabs his finger at the glass, “I’ll take this..this slice of cake right here.”

“You’re pointing at a sign, Taekwoon.”

Taekwoon realizes his error and quickly shifts his finger over. “I meant this one, wait no not that one.” Instead of trying again, he seemingly gives up as he turning around. “Is it too much to ask for you to surprise me?”

“Not at all. I think I remember what you used to always order whenever we went out to the place right around the corner from my old apartment…” Hakyeon snaps his fingers repeatedly, trying to remember the name of the place. They used to go all the time, how can he not remember a simple name.

“It was called Ce Petit Coin,” Taekwoon speaks slowly, obviously trying not to butcher the name with his accent. “But, you still remember that?”

“Well, you only ordered it every single time,” Hakyeon comments with a chuckle as he makes his way to the cash register. “It’s like how you remember the lyrics to a song you haven’t heard in years.” He opens up the back of the display to pull out a packaged slice of earl gray cake. He carefully slips the box in a small bag before handing it over to Taekwoon.

Taekwoon makes sure to securely take the bag by the box and holds it close to himself. “Right. I don’t even remember the last time I had this.”

“That happens, a lot can change in just a short amount of time, even more so over the course of years,” Hakyeon comments, leading on the display with both hands.

“So I see…” Taekwoon takes a second to stare at what’s in his hands before bringing his gaze back up to the man in front him. “It’s really good to see you again, especially like this. Everything you talked about back then, it’s all right here.” To prove his point, he takes a step back to gesture his hand over the glass display. “It’s nice to see.”

“Oh.” That’s all Hakyeon can utter as he immediately feels some sort of...bashfulness as Taekwoon stands right there, looking back at him with his deep brown, bright, and curious eyes, expecting him to say more. He has to pull himself away from them to be able to talk again. Maybe it’s whatever curse Taekwoon’s beautifully sharp yet soft eyes just put on that makes the next words come out of his mouth.

“Well, if you mean that, then maybe you would like to go to a real cafe together? We could catch up and whatnot since it’s been so long,” Hakyeon says before he can stop himself.

Taekwoon’s eyebrows perk up at the offer. “Do _you_ mean that?”

Does he? “Yes, yes I do - it’s good to see you too, you know, and actually, I have some things that would be better to say if it’s just us two,” he mentions after hearing the creak of the swinging door again.

“That sounds fine to me. What day would be best for you? It doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s morning or at night, by which I mean late at night,” Taekwoon responds.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to hold a decent conversation in the morning so night it is… Would tonight be too early?” Hakyeon asks on a whim.

“Um no, tonight’s perfect.”

Hakyeon quirks his head to the side, looking suspiciously at Taekwoon. Even though he asked, he didn’t actually expect the answer. “Perfect, really?”

“Perfect,” Taekwoon affirms. “Can I see your phone?”

Instead of asking why Hakyeon reluctantly takes his phone out of his back pocket to hand it over to Taekwoon. He sees the man text something into his phone before passing it back to him.

“I’ll text you the address later,” Taekwoon states, placing both hands on his box again.

“Okay.”

“Okay…” Taekwoon echoes.

“Well...bye for now,” Hakyeon tells him and Taekwoon also echoes his bye before walking towards the door.

Suddenly, he whips himself around, looking like a deer in headlights. “I didn’t pay for the cake.”

Hakyeon raises his hand, waving him back out the bakery. “It’s on the house, silly,” As if he said some sort of magic word, Taekwoon’s face lights up instantly as he thanks Hakyeon before walking out.

Once Taekwoon is gone, Hakyeon feels the wind knocked out of him. His lagged mind finally catches up with everything and he can’t comprehend how stupid it was to schedule an outing (just an outing) with the man. However, for some reason, he doesn’t feel scared. The only thing that’s filling him is nervousness. He hasn’t made plans with anybody else other than the people directly close to him in a long time and that thought makes him feel lost than anything else.

Off to the side, he can hear Bora snicker and turns around to catch her (though she remains unbothered). “Don’t you say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she responds with another chuckle before winking at Hakyeon and walks back through the door to the kitchen.

A beat later, Hakyeon’s head makes a small thud against the top of the display counter. “What have I done…”

 

* * *

 

Two unorganized stacks of cards sit in the middle of Hakyeon’s coffee table as he stares opposingly into Jaehwan’s eyes. Even with Jaehwan blowing a disgusting kiss his way, he doesn’t blink. He’s been practicing his gin rummy skills online for a while now and finally, he talked Jaehwan into playing a game with him. He had to repeat the rules to Jaehwan a few times, and even now he’s positive Jaehwan is still confused, so he’s sure he’s gonna win the dinner they betted on. He’s been craving chicken all day.

Hakyeon takes a card from the open-faced pile then replaces it with a card from his hand and decides this will be a good time to speak up.

“I ran into Jung Taekwoon today,” he says without warning.

Jaehwan looks up from his hand, eyes shifting from side to side before settling on Hakyeon’s face. “Who?”

“You know,” Hakyeon narrows his eyes in his direction, “Taekwoon, from college.” Sure, this is the first time he’s brought up Taekwoon to Jaehwan in who even knows how long but still, it’s an important detail in his life that his best friend should remember.

“Um,” Jaehwan starts, grasping at straws that aren’t there as he clearly still doesn’t know what Hakyeon is talking about.

Hakyeon sighs before replying, “The only guy I’ve ever dated in college.”

“Oh!” Jaehwan smacks his forehead comically, “Right, sorry, I had a momentary relapse of the mind.” Hakyeon can only shake his head though a bit of laughter escapes him. “So how did that pander out?”

“It went way better than I ever imagined it could. It was like nothing and everything happened between them in the past.”

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” Jaehwan asks, pulling a card out from the deck that’s face down and places his own in the other pile.

“It was as if I never left him out in the cold, that I never heard the unanswered questions he left floating throughout the halls.But, all the while, it felt like there was a time when we did fall helplessly in love, that I did answer him and never gave him a moment of doubt.”

Jaehwan’s expression remains blank as he stares at Hakyeon with wide eyes, cards in hands. “Wow, okay, I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know what to say to that but that sounds great?” he admits bluntly.

“Too great, and if you take into account the last time-”

“There’s a last time?” Jaehwan interrupts.

“Yeah, he came into the bakery yesterday too and I dropped a cake all over the floor - there’s still some buttercream in the cracks of my floor and everything. It was a mess,” Hakyeon informs him.

Jaehwan raises an eyebrow at that then replies, “So despite you ruining a cake right in front of his eyes, he came back for more?”

“Yup… None of this feels even remotely real,” Hakyeon sighs as the recent events play themselves back in his mind, “It seems as if he’s just a figment of my memory projected in front of me, especially after the whole ordeal with the name that shan’t be said, hell, maybe he’s just a figment of my memory too. At least then things would make more sense.”

Jaehwan snorts as he brings his attention back to the card game. “You’re getting a lot of shit thrown at you at once.”

“Yeah, where did this even come from, why now?” he replies in the midst of taking another card and carefully looks at his hand. He peers up and sees Jaehwan shrug while organizing his own hand too.

“Maybe your life has been so boring the past couple of years the universe thought it would be fun just to, you know, shake it up a little, make sure you’re still kicking and shit.”

Hakyeon scrunches up his nose at the comment. “I’ll kick you,” he warns, raising his foot in the air to validate his threat.

Jaehwan snorts again but this time with a smirk on his lips as he needlessly throws his hand down. “Kick me after you count this hand. Now pay up, I’m hungry.”

“Whatever, cheater.” Hakyeon rolls his eyes, letting his own cards fall on the table to stand up, his bones creaking from being in the same position for so long.

The last remaining bits of glow from the twilight sky withdrew from Hakyeon’s apartment and were replaced with the distasteful yellow of his lightbulb. Jaehwan and he were well fed and even though it wasn’t the chicken that he was craving, he still enjoyed the food he was forced to cook for the bet.

In the meantime, Jaehwan stays lurking around, watching Hakyeon try to plan what he wants to wear for his outing with Taekwoon. His heels repeatedly kick back against the metal frame of Hakyeon’s bed as he idly swings his legs. One after the other, various button-downs and t-shirts fly onto the bed beside him. Whenever Jaehwan sees a top he particularly likes, he sets it aside to show Hakyeon again.

The whole commotion playing out in front of him brings a smile to his face - a smile that Hakyeon has either chosen to ignore or hasn’t noticed yet, being too obsessed with his closet. It’s honestly nice to see Hakyeon be a little anxious with a spring in his step. It’s obvious he’s at least somewhat excited over this since he cares enough about his outing to take his whole wardrobe off its hangers. It seems harsh to say Hakyeon’s seems lifeless most of the time, but at the same time, it doesn’t seem that far from the truth.

It’s been awhile since Jaehwan brought it up (the last time he spoke of it, Hakyeon lashed out in a way that made him want to shut up about it forever), but the new routine that Hakyeon settled into scares him. When did he even learn so many card games? Besides that, something just became _off_ about his friend. It worries him deeply, but he’s learned not to show it and at least trust that Hakyeon keeps up with his appointments. Today’s a better day anyways.

Finally, Hakyeon’s hands hover over a baggy navy t-shirt before he holds it up in front of him to see his reflection, narrowing his eyes while scrutinizing the look. Is it too oversized, too casual? The lucky shirt passes the test and just as he seals the deal with his favorite pair of jeans, there goes a flash of black ink in the mirror.

With a sort of primal instinct, he throws the t-shirt away on his bed. “I change my mind, I can’t do this,” he spouts, scooping all of his clothing articles from the bed into his arms, inevitably wrinkling most.

“What do you mean you can’t do it?” Jaehwan asks, wildly grabbing onto Hakyeon’s arm. The transition in the air happened so fast, so jarring, it makes him feel like he has whiplash.

Instead of answering, Hakyeon shakes his friend off of him only to turn around and grab his hangers, moving so swift as if he put himself in a trance.

“Hey! Answer me!” Jaehwan shouts, trying to knock the man out of it. It appears to have worked as Hakyeon suddenly halts, his shirt and hanger limply hanging from his fingertips.

“It’s a bad idea,” is all Hakyeon says and he continues hanging up the article of clothing and placing it back on the closet rack. “I shouldn’t do it…” Hakyeon’s eyes shift back a forth, trying to search for his words in the air, “What if Taekwoon is trying to get revenge, why else would he agree to this? I foolishly gave him an opportunity for it and now he’s going to get the payback he’s always wanted.”

The bed creaks under Jaehwan’s weight as he leans back on his hands. “If Taekwoon really wanted revenge, he would’ve done something like go on the internet and make several accounts to complain about how terrible your bakery is. I mean hell, there’s no need for him to make up a story since you dropped a friggin cake in front of him. But no, instead he came back for more, and I don’t mean for cake.”

It all makes sense, but Hakyeon’s brain doesn’t want to believe that, can’t believe it. That can’t possibly be the most logical case.

Once again, Hakyeon takes too long to respond. “If you don’t put on some clothes right now so help me I’m gonna put you in whatever I can grab and drive you to the cafe myself,” Jaehwan warns without a hint of his normal comical tone.

He proves that he’s not joking when he stands up and Hakyeon hurriedly raises a finger at him. “Don’t you dare touch me.”

Jaehwan merely rolls his eyes and continues approaching Hakyeon, grabbing his shirt from the bottom. Hakyeon’s hands fly down to hold his wrists in place. “Jaehwan, stop!” Jaehwan ignores it and with a forced twist of his arms, he frees himself from the hold. Hakyeon reaches out to push him away and Jaehwan dodges, grabbing his arms instead.

“You’re going...to the damn cafe...if it’s the last thing I do,” Jaehwan grunts, Hakyeon pushing and pulling against his hold.

“Let me go, Jaehwan,” Hakyeon grunts back. How did Jaehwan know so much self-defense?

When it’s apparent that they’re both matched in strength and that Jaehwan really isn’t going to budge, Hakyeon is the first to give up, he’ll go to the damn cafe.

“Yay, I won,” Jaehwan cheers, his usual demeanor coming back to him. A beat later Hakyeon punches him in the stomach, just hard enough to wipe the stupid grin off his face. The yelp that comes with it is just the icing on the cake.

Jaehwan shoots him a look, still holding onto his stomach, glaring like he would throw a punch back if he didn’t know it would start a full-on fight between them. The initial pain resides and he takes his spot back on the bed, grabbing a fistful of one of the shirts still on the bed to throw it at Hakyeon’s head.

Hakyeon peels the fabric from his face and when he takes a closer look at it, his face lightens up. “Aye, I actually like this one.” A load groan fills the bedroom as Jaehwan flops backward.

 

* * *

 

In the car, Hakyeon doesn’t think about what to actually say to Taekwoon when they meet up as he’s too focused on getting to the address he was messaged. However, the building he pulls up to doesn’t match the description of a “cafe”. It’s similar to the hole in the wall he and the others went to earlier that week except this one resembles more of a franchise just from looking at the outside. The fact that it’s in the middle of a busy street could play a part in that as well.

He pulls up his phone again, wondering why he was sent to a bar instead of a coffee shop. Just to check and see if Taekwoon really did mean this place, he finds a parking spot along the road. It’s a Thursday night so luckily there’s still room outside the front entrance.

Sure enough, through the wooden and glass door, there’s Taekwoon comfortably sat in a booth. Something in the back of Hakyeon’s mind tells him he still has a chance to turn around, Jaehwan isn’t there to stop him, but something else makes him push the door open.

Taekwoon looks up and spots him, his face unchanging as he approaches the table. Hakyeon takes a look around them, gesturing to the neon bar signs and the various booths and patrons holding their glasses of liquor and everything else they’re currently encased by.

“The cafe I wanted to go to was closed,” Taekwoon simply informs him a shrug, “This was the next best thing.”

Hakyeon chuckles, glad Taekwoon was able to read his mind and slips into the seat across from him. The fried squid and beer already on the table catches his attention. The glass is halfway empty and Hakyeon takes that as a sign of Taekwoon being just as nervous as he is. Hell, what would he have done if he still had his Xanax pills? He concludes that Jaehwan would’ve killed him before he had the chance to do anything with them.

By the time Hakyeon realizes the silence between them, he wonders how long he’s been in his own head. He knows Taekwoon probably won’t speak first, so he will.

“It’s a nice night out huh?”

He’s answered with a nod before Taekwoon downs some more of his beer. This is going to be a long night.

A cough cuts through them as Taekwoon clears his throat. “So you run a bakery?”

“Yup.”

“For how long?”

Hakyeon has to count back the years in the space above his eyes and then double check the math. “Five years.”

Taekwoon’s eyes widen at that before he nods his head slowly and Hakyeon would dare to believe that maybe he sees some pride in that nod. Suddenly, Taekwoon perks up and slaps his hand against the table. “You need something to drink don’t you?” As soon as another walks by, Taekwoon calls them over for Hakyeon. He orders the same beer as Taekwoon and the waiter goes off on his way.

“Thanks for that,” Hakyeon comments then regrets it soon after. There was no need to thank him for a calling a waiter over. He could possibly be overthinking this, but there’s no way he is.

“No problem.”

There it is again. That silence, and not the silence he was once used to with Taekwoon. This one is stuffy and nearly choking him and he’d rather bash his head against the table than sit in it for a second longer. So, he blurts out the only thing he can.

“I’m sorry.”

Taekwoon hums, quirking his head just slightly, but that’s it.

“I’m...I’m sorry about what I did in the past. I was just scared and didn’t know what to do and did the only thing I know how to do.” The apology feels like a waterfall coming out of his mouth and he’s surprised he was able to stop himself at some point. He opens his eyes, not remembering when he closed them and lets out a heavy breath before he looks back up at Taekwoon.

“Oh, that. I forgave you a long time ago, I had to in order to move on and not dwell in the past.” He sloshes his beer around in his hand, “At least it gave me the experience to write songs for a while, one of which gave me a lot of exposure.”

It’s a joke. Hakyeon has to force out a laugh that comes out more cracked and awkward than he intended. Luckily the waiter comes by with his beer and he thanks him before taking a much needed long sip.

“I wish it was that easy for me to do the same,” Hakyeon comments without a second thought. He looks up when he feels Taekwoon pat his hand softly, almost in a comforting manner but not quite, due to the lack of a smile coming from the man.

“It wasn’t easy at all.” It comes out in a near whisper but Taekwoon skims over his owns words like he didn’t just make a comment on the heartbreak Hakyeon put him through.

It feels like something lodges itself inside Hakyeon’s throat as Taekwoon leisurely sits back and has to cough to clear it out. “Speaking of the past...even though I’m a few years too late, I just wanted to let you know that I _did_ love you back then.”

Shit. That’s not what exes should say to each other.

“Um,” Taekwoon speaks up and Hakyeon can easily pick up on how uncomfortable the other has become. How could he be so stupid? “Who is your boyfriend now?”

Hakyeon sputters up beer just from the mention of the word ‘boyfriend’. The alcohol and acid that came up with it burn the back of his throat but he speaks up anyway. “What did you say?” Because maybe he just heard wrong and looks like an inept idiot over nothing. Taekwoon, whose eyes resemble that of a deer in headlights now, repeats the question. “I’ve been single for three years now, and I plan to stay that way,” Hakyeon answers.

“Are you still scared?” Taekwoon brings his glass to his lips, looking at Hakyeon over the rim.

When did he get so smug, Hakyeon thinks to himself. “You don’t need to know that. We don’t even know each other anymore.”

Taekwoon shrugs and sets his beer back down and digs into the fried squid. “In all honesty, I feel like seeing you right now makes it feel like we’ve never stopped talking, like I still know who you are.”

Hakyeon’s mouth hangs agape. It’s practically the same thing he told Jaehwan earlier, but except in layman's terms.

“Well...I guess since we’re being honest, I feel the same way,” Hakyeon hesitantly admits. Ever so slowly, more and more bricks are taken off his chest. It’s through this hole in the wall that Hakyeon catches a glimpse of a smile on Taekwoon’s lips and he notices all his air leaving him. Quickly he places the bricks back in their spot, making sure not a single one is out of place. Whatever just happened, cannot happen again.

“So,” Hakyeon starts, backing away from wherever the hell their previous conversation was leading them, “How long are you staying in town for?” He at least silent hopes Taekwoon is only visiting.

“I originally came back to visit because it was my sister’s birthday. But...I might stay a while longer since the change of scenery and nostalgia is nice for work.” Hakyeon sighs, hearing his prayer has been answered.

“I can’t see myself living out in a busy city again,” Hakyeon comments, stealing a snack for himself.

“You know you live in a city?” Taekwoon reminds him, pushing the plate closer to him.

“Yeah, but it’s not as busy and crowded like Seoul. It’s a nice quiet city.”

“How can any city be quiet with you in it.” Just like that, Hakyeon reaches over to hand chop Taekwoon’s neck.

“I don’t even talk as much as I used to - there’s no need for it.” He could swear that he sees Taekwoon’s face drop after he speaks, but he rather not. Another sip of his beer and he’ll forget the facial expression he just saw. Once he sets the glass down again, Taekwoon catches his attention when he opens his mouth.

“Something about you does seem different though,” Taekwoon notes. He’s speaking like he’s deep in thought, his voice soft and slow, almost as if he accidentally said his thoughts out loud, but Hakyeon responds anyway, tilting his head at the comment. “I can’t necessarily pinpoint anything but it’s definitely there,” he finishes explaining.

Taekwoon’s eyes narrow on him and now Hakyeon’s sure he’s as uncomfortable as Taekwoon was. It feels like the man is seeing into his mind and to secure his thoughts, he reaches over and presses his fingertip against the wrinkles that formed between Taekwoon’s eyebrows.

“Control your eyes, we’re in public,” Hakyeon retorts for another round of ‘What Foolish Thing Will Hakyeon Say Now’. The deer eyes come back as Taekwoon withdraws as far as he can in his booth and Hakyeon smacks his own forehead. “I can’t believe I just said that.” Whether it’s out of shame, or he just finds himself that stupidly funny, he starts laughing and luckily Taekwoon joins him. And wow does he have a nice laugh, even if it’s from embarrassment.

Now why is he thinking that, and why does he feel all sorts of jitteriness and nerves in his stomach just from Taekwoon’s laugh. He’s confused as to why he’s letting himself let these flirts slip past his tongue but then remembers to blame it on the alcohol that is now halfway empty. He can’t even handle two of these bottles so that’s just what he’ll do, blame it on his slight buzz.

The laughing stops as Taekwoon has his attention pulled elsewhere and gestures to the side of Hakyeon’s arm. “What’s your tattoo? Or- is that rude to ask?”

Hakyeon shakes his head as a response and man, he really shouldn’t do that. “It’s a quote I thought of a while ago.”

“Does it mean anything?” Taekwoon asks harmlessly.

“Um, yeah,” Hakyeon sighs, not wanting to think about any of that right now.

Taekwoon seems to catch how sensitive the topic is for Hakyeon and only reaches across the table to gently pat Hakyeon’s arm. Hakyeon tries to pretend he can’t feel how soft Taekwoon’s fingers are and in an instant, they’re gone and on his nearly empty beer glass.

The topic should be dropped by now, but that doesn’t stop Hakyeon’s mouth. “Actually, it’s the reason why I’m only focusing on myself right now.” He says that, but at the same time, his tattoo is screaming at him that this whole outing goes against all the rules.

Meanwhile, Taekwoon tests some words on his lips, his mouth repeatedly parting and closing before he finally speaks. “Can I read it?”

Hakyeon simply bends his elbow so Taekwoon can indeed read it. He can almost see the gears working in his ex’s head: how his brows knit together just slightly, how his mouth hangs slack, and how his eyes trail off to the side when he’s done reading. Hakyeon counts back from four from that moment and when he reaches the end, Taekwoon’s lips shut tight.

It physically feels like he’s sitting in one of his memories from when he was twenty-one. Instead of sitting in a bar, he’s in the cafe around the corner with Taekwoon. Instead of his parted hair, styled with a few nice curls here and there, Taekwoon sits with his hair falling flatly all around his head with an asymmetrical fringe to complete the look. If Hakyeon looked in a mirror he was sure he would see himself with an annoying pimple and a mop of curls atop his head. Taekwoon lifts his painted mug, taking a small sip of the dark liquid inside. It feels right being like this, in the midst of one of his happiest memories. It’s familiar, it’s normal, and he’s back in his true self, right here. Hakyeon opens his mouth to say something but he’s interrupted.

“I didn’t realize how late it was. I should probably get back to work, there are some things I was trying to finish today.” As every word slips past Taekwoon’s mouth, clashing with the image, Hakyeon’s memory fades away more and more from in front of his eyes, out of his grasp, but he let it go a long time ago.

“I should probably go home too, working in that morning and all of that,” Hakyeon claims with a blank mind.

He doesn’t think about what cultivated in his eyes or what he felt or what it meant. All he can do is force Taekwoon to at least dutch pay the small bill. His feet bring him to his car, thankful he was able to park right outside, but Taekwoon, of course, follows him out.

To seem like a normal human being, he raises his hand to say bye to the man. Taekwoon apparently has other plans as he pulls him close and gives him a tight hug.

“It was good to see you again,” Taekwoon tells him but he’s too focused on trying not to smell the familiar waft of Taekwoon’s cologne to listen.

“Yeah… Bye.” It’s all Hakyeon can muster and Taekwoon pats his back before pulling away.

There’s another bye spoken, Hakyeon can hear that one, but he’s not worried about it. He also doesn’t care that it looks like he’s running away again as he spins a little too fast on his heel to turn towards his car while blindly reaching for his car keys in his pocket. It’s just the alcohol, he tells himself once he’s inside. He’s not used to drinking, that’s all. Nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me on twitter @taekwoncheeks


	5. Overcome Your Trace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't know, the fate of the internet in America is being jeopardized on December 14th. So because of that, I've put myself on a slightly strict schedule to finish this story before then cause I don't know if net neutrality will be repealed (If you live in America text RESIST to 50409 NOW!!!)
> 
> Now that that's out the way, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

“I told you not to come crawling back.”

Sanghyuk’s mouth drops once he hears Sojung's first words to him in _two days_. After awkward encounters in the office break room and silently bumping into each other in elevators—that’s all she has to say. The time that passed was used stressing about if he may have destroyed one of his closest friendships (despite what she assured him the last time they unfortunately talked), and that’s all she has to say. Not even a hello or a what’s up. However, Sanghyuk can’t really complain considering...it’s all his fault anyway.

Now here they are: in the same quaint cafe from last time where the owners probably know all of his business. (Whether they cared to retain that information is another story.) From the outside, everything would appear normal, even Sojung's brash tone of voice, on the inside, Sanghyuk’s buzzing with uncertainty. They’re supposed to still be friends. So all he has to do is act the part, right? Hesitantly, Sanghyuk pulls out the seat across from her and sits at the table as he hopes a little bit of effort from his end would do him some good.

“I’m not crawling back, I just need advice,” Sanghyuk admits, taking up only half of his chair to lean against the table. Sojung raises an eyebrow at him as she takes another bite of salad, so he takes this as a sign to continue. “What does one do when they’ve been a complete asshole to everybody around them?”

She shrugs her shoulders with indifference without even taking the time to think about the question, though it may be rhetorical. “Find more people to be an asshole to?” she suggests, sarcasm thick in her voice.

“Thanks.” The sour tainted word comes out to match her serious tone before he sighs.

She follows suit, letting her cold exterior fall with a sigh in tandem with the clattering of her fork hitting her plate. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,” Sanghyuk grants, knowing full well she would ask anyways without his permission.

“If you didn’t feel like you were over your ex, why did you date me?”

The question shoves Sanghyuk back into his seat. Wait, he never noticed how hard the bottom of these chairs were...huh. Hmm, if he leans back hard enough, he can feel the pattern through his shirt too, and—

He has to stop. No matter how uncomfortable it makes him, he’s going to give her an answer—she deserves it—but what exactly can he tell her? That he’s been pitifully in love with Hakyeon, that his feelings were so deep they felt neverending? That he thought he’d never feel that way about another person, so he threw himself at the closest person he was comfortable with that at least made him happy, just not romantically? He wants to be honest, but he refuses to rub salt in a wound. So, he tells her the best version he can think of.

“I did it because...I always enjoyed spending time with you, and I thought dating you was the best for me. Besides, I never expected a chance with hi-her to pop up again. I know it’s stupid and I need to get over her, okay?”

“You really do,” Sojung says flatly, picking at the leaves on her plate now, “You’re letting this person from your past control how you feel and what you do now and it’s affecting your life, which is not healthy.”

Sanghyuk opens his mouth to rebut, but, she’s right. He saw how the same thing affected Hakyeon when they were together, and now it’s happening to him. On the other hand, Sanghyuk was there to try and help him. How is he supposed to help himself, by himself, when he still cares so much about the man.

“Look. You’re a handsome guy, Hyuk, you know this right?” Is she actually expecting him to answer? “And even though you made some dick moves here and there, I’d say you’re a pretty good guy, overall. You mean well. That means there’s gonna be others, and you can’t screw up those chances because of one person. You got lucky with me ‘cause I’m nice.” With every other word, she jabs her fork in his direction. She speaks brusquely, as she always tends to do, but he knows she’s being genuine. Yet, there is one thing she’s wrong about.

Sure, Hakyeon was only “one person”, but he was so much more than that, and Sanghyuk doesn’t think she will be able to understand. That or Sanghyuk doesn’t have the gall to talk to her about it. More than likely both.

Before Sanghyuk can respond, another sigh escapes Sojung and she leaves over the table to drop her hand on Sanghyuk’s shoulder. “I’m saying this because I’m your friend.” Sanghyuk’s head perks up and he meets her eye, awaiting what she has to say. “You need to get your shit together.” She gives him a proper pat on the shoulder, her touch gentle, before standing up out of her chair.

Even the screech of her chair grazing against the wooden floor doesn’t interrupt the ringing of her words in Sanghyuk’s head. It’s only when he hears the chimes of the front door does he realize that she’s gone, and he’s left with her bill.

Well, she’s lucky he’s nice enough to pay for her food, he thinks as if she can hear his thoughts. He probably would’ve paid for the both of them, anyway. Though, now his appetite is gone.

 

* * *

 

It seems longer than it usually takes, but the workday is finally over and all the buses are filled with your average blue-collared and white-collared workers, Sanghyuk included. He’s stuck standing in the midst of sweaty bodies on the bus and all he can think about is what Sojung said earlier, but he doesn’t want to bother her about it anymore; he’s already dragged her through enough.

However, like she said, there is still one person he hasn’t been an asshole too, yet. Plus, in the middle of his thoughts, he can hear his stomach rumbling from skipping lunch earlier. He swears the guy standing next to him is judging him for it.

Once off the bus, his black bag strapped over his opposite shoulder, he pulls his phone out of his and dials a number he almost remembers by heart.

“Hey man, what are you doing?” Sanghyuk asks into his receiver, letting his feet take him down the sidewalk without a destination in mind.

“I’m finishing up work. What? Why? What do you want?”

“I’m starving, Hyung, want to get a bite to eat with me?” Sanghyuk pleads then stops in his tracks, realizing the subway is the other way and turns around, just in case he needs it.

“Don’t pull that ‘Hyung’ crap with me. I guess I could eat. Can you meet me where I am?”

“Sure. I gotta know where you are first,” Sanghyuk reminds him.

“I’m at the park so the Burger King by the corner? You know the Burger King right? You know!”

“You can’t be serious,” Sanghyuk murmurs.

“Ugh, by the shopping center we go to sometimes with the restaurant in the back alley that had that really good rice wine that almost knocked you out that one time so we went to the Burger King to fill you up with grease cause you’re too weak.”

“You can remember all of that, but you can’t tell me a damn street? Fine. I’ll meet you by 'the Burger King’,” Sanghyuk agrees, rolling his eyes as he tries to hold his laughter to himself.

So he goes.

And by the Burger King he is.

Sanghyuk sees him standing by the door, looking the other way like he’s deep in thought instead of looking out for his friend. All Sanghyuk does is simply tap on his shoulder to catch his attention and with slow motions, he peers over his shoulder and jumps at the sight of Sanghyuk.

“What the hell?!” he shouts, and scares Sanghyuk in return.

“What the hell, Hongbin? Why are you yelling?” Sanghyuk asks, still yelling himself.

“Would it kill you to make yourself known?” Hongbin demands and shifts his tripod higher into his hand.

“That’s exactly what I did,” Sanghyuk asserts before catching sight of Hongbin’s camera loops around his neck. “What were you working on?”

“I was doing this time-lapse piece of the sunlight shining between the trees in the park. It’s for this project I took up and I’ve been waiting all week for the weather to fall into my favor,” Hongbin explains and starts walking without Sanghyuk.

This only makes Sanghyuk feel guilty now that he knows he might’ve disturbed something important. “We don’t have to hang out if you're busy.”

Hongbin shakes his head and looks back at Sanghyuk to show him a reassuring smile. “Nah, I’m done for the day. Plus, I’m hungry too, you know.”

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk comments and continues to follow to follow him down the street, passing up various shops besides them and above them. “So what are you in the mood for? I’m pretty much down for anything at this point.”

“Something...unhealthy,” Hongbin states with a hint of strain in his voice.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific,” Sanghyuk remarks as they stop at a crossing and wait for the cars to pass.

Hongbin rolls his eyes buy answers anyways. “How about street food then, something with cheese.”

“Sure.” Sanghyuk needed a full meal in his stomach but of course he’ll get snacks with Hongbin.

They cross the street and continue walking down the main road. The back alley that’s littered with restaurants and street vendors among pubs and karaoke bars is a block over and they both seem to telepathically decide that’s where they’re going. In the meantime, Sanghyuk can’t help but window shop in the small business boutiques they’re passing up. Hongbin follows his gaze just as they pass a few female mannequins and stops in front of one them, pointing at the clothes it’s wearing with his free hand.

“Wouldn’t Sojung like that shirt?” Hongbin ponders and Sanghyuk really can’t if his friend is being serious is just messing with him.

“We broke up, remember,” Sanghyuk stresses as he stops beside Hongbin.

“Geez, I was just asking. But, speaking of which, I’m surprised you didn’t end up in a hospital,” Hongbin comments with a chuckle like the thought of Sanghyuk dismembered by Sojung is that hilarious.

“Maybe she pitied me,” Sanghyuk thinks out loud.

“I do.”

“Dude, what the hell?”

“What, it’s true. You let her go for some girl and now look at you, all alone and pitiful,” Hongbin clicks his tongue with a shake of his and Sanghyuk could just punch him.

Hongbin’s words immediately turn into sandpaper, abrasively rubbing him the wrong way from the inside out. Hakyeon isn’t some ex. He helped Sanghyuk learn aspects about himself that he was too afraid to uncover and embraced him the way nobody else did before. All he wanted to do was help Hakyeon the way Hakyeon helped him. However, all he’s left with now is the disappointment in himself from what he’s done: cheated on Sowon and betrayed Hakyeon. Any hope that was left in Sanghyuk of being there for Hakyeon is fully gone.

“He wasn’t just some ex, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sanghyuk bites back with a tight jaw without meaning to.

“Whoa, okay,” Hongbin projects, throwing his hands up as a shield, “No need to get so defen—wait, he?”

Oh no. “I said she,” Sanghyuk claims, trying to backpedal as quickly as he can.

“I distinctly heard a he.” Sanghyuk opens his mouth to argue the straight fact but stares in confusion as Hongbin presses his ear up against the shop window.

“Did you hear a he?” Hongbin asks the mannequin then nods his head a second later before turning to Sanghyuk. “It heard a he too.”

Sanghyuk gapes at his dumb friend and hopes nobody else but him saw what just occurred. “So what if I said he, what’s it to you?” he confesses and hides behind his own bluff of confidence.

“That means you’ve been lying to me all this time that your ex was a she when in fact, it was a he,” Hongbin shouts incredulously.

“I never lied, you just assumed it was a she and I never bothered to correct you,” Sanghyuk states to save his ass as much as possible.

“Same difference,” Hongbin chimes.

Sanghyuk’s sure he’s now officially been an asshole to everyone. Except, he hasn’t done anything to Jaehwan yet…

It’s quiet between them for a moment. Without warning, Hongbin takes off again, switching his tripod into his other hand. It’s easy for Sanghyuk to catch up with him again, but the second he does he can feel the thick air surrounding Hongbin.

He swallows the lump that’s wedged itself in his throat before speaking up again. “Are you mad at me?”

“I am mad,” Hongbin announces without looking back, “Mad that you had me thinking lies when you’re gay...wait, no, bi I guess?”

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” Sanghyuk sighs and nearly bumps into the back of Hongbin when he stops again.

“It’s okay,” Hongbin replies with a shrug and places his tripod on the ground briefly to stretch his fingers.

Frankly, Sanghyuk is tired of having these awkward moments with everybody. It’s a foreign experience with Hongbin, somebody he immediately clicked with when they first met online. All he wants to do is press the fast-forward button, or even better, rewind so they can go back to their banter without memories that Sanghyuk lied.

“Can I be honest with you about something?” Sanghyuk speaks up, chiseling the air between them.

“No, I love being lied too,” Hongbin quips and though it should make him feel guilty, Sanghyuk just rolls his eyes.

“I...don’t know if I would call myself bi?” Sanghyuk confesses with his voice low as he rubs the nape of his neck.

Hongbin’s eyebrows furrow with confusion as he stares at him. “So you are gay?”

“No, definitely not,” Sanghyuk quickly answers. He remembers how JAehwan and Hakyeon joked about Sanghyuk finding out he’s bi in the past, but honestly he never “felt” it.

“What do you mean then?” Hongbin asks, sounding truly perplexed.

“I’ve always been attracted to girls, still am, and yet, Hakyeon is the only guy I’ve ever felt something for,” Sanghyuk explains carefully. Hongbin leans against the brick wall close to them as he nods along, eyes wide with pure interest like he’s never heard of such a thing before. “So, I don’t know if I can call myself bi? Hakyeon was just this one special guy who managed to make me fall for him.”

“Huh,” Hongbin replies thoughtlessly, but then continues, “No wonder you keep him on such a pedestal then.” Hongbin pushes himself off the brick wall, taking his tripod with him, and turns the corner into a back alley where the smell of various spices becomes more present.

“Okay...now what do you mean by _that_?” Sanghyuk retorts with an air of playfulness, feeling as if they’re returning to their normal banter.

“You talk about your ex like he’s some sort of god and you act like it too, but now I guess I can see why,” Hongbin informs him.

“What—I...I don’t worship him because of it…” Sanghyuk stammers and tries to find the confidence in his voice.

“Oh don’t you?” Hongbin booms, sharply turning around towards Sanghyuk after throwing open the door for him to a small tteokbokki restaurant. “How many years has it been and you still broke up with Sojung just so you can crawl up to him and kiss his feet...probably kiss his ass too.”

Instinctively, Sanghyuk slaps his baseball glove of a hand over Hongbin’s mouth, pulling him away from the lady behind the counter who’s now looking at them in disgust. “I did not kiss his ass!” Sanghyuk whispers in a shrill voice, highly offended by such a statement.

Hongbin sputters and causes Sanghyuk to take his hand away due to the excess of saliva and goes back to order of the spicy rice cakes with cheese. It’s a beat later that he realizes the double entendre that slipped past his lips and spins to face Sanghyuk. “Oh shit, I didn’t mean that literally,” he gasps.

Sanghyuk playfully narrows his eyes at his friend, but seeing his reaction in the end makes him laugh anyway. He steps up to the counter himself, ignoring the way the lady looked at them just a few seconds ago, and pays for his own serving but without the extra fat. It doesn’t take long for them to get their paper containers and they take up one of the few tables by the window.

“Gosh, you’re such a lovesick puppy over this guy, what are you going to do, never be in a relationship again?” Hongbin comments and starts up the conversation again that Sanghyuk thought they ditched.

“No…” Sanghyuk begins defensively, but he can’t even repeat himself after thinking about it. However, that can’t be true. “I’m not a lovesick puppy just because I was in love with him. We had some sort of special relationship.”

“Oh yeah, what was so special then?” Hongbin sneers then takes his first bite.

“I can’t tell you,” Sanghyuk claims as his voice gradually lowers in volume.

Hongbin shrugs, stuffing another piece of rice cake in his mouth. “It’s fine, I guess you’ll just keep lying to me. I’ll have to learn that I can’t no longer trust any more of my friends.” Hongbin surmises with a forged sniffle.

“Fucking hell.” He almost can’t believe how dramatic his friend is being about this. Almost. He did go to art school and every single artsy person Sanghyuk’s known has been just as dramatic.

Though, Hongbin does unknowingly have a point. From everything he’s read about it, he’s not supposed to be ashamed of this side of him and Hongbin _did_ take the boyfriend-not-girlfriend issue better than he thought he would. So, maybe he can also let this one thing about him slip. “Okay, but you can’t tell anybody.”

“Who would I even tell?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Sojung, or literally any of our mutual friends. You can go on twitter for all I know. Just promise me.” Sanghyuk sticks his pinky out towards Hongbin, patiently waiting for him to give in. It doesn’t take much since it’s obviously important to Sanghyuk and Hongbin complies and links their pinky fingers together before touching thumbs. “Okay. So there’s no other way to say this so I’m just gonna say it. We...were in a BDSM relationship and Hakyeon was what you’d call my ‘dom’ and he took care of me…” Sanghyuk blurts out quickly, only able to say it all by rushing his words.

Hongbin stares at him with wide eyes nearly bugging out of his head, his piece of tteokbokki hanging off both his fork and his lips. “Oh my gosh,” he gasps.

Sanghyuk quickly shushes him and hunches over his bowl to hide his reddening face. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes, it is! You’re obsessed with your daddy,” Hongbin straight up coos.

“What the fuck,” Sanghyuk bellows. Hongbin’s face is in a weird mix between almost busting open with laughter while also twisting from the verge of a eureka and Sanghyuk’s fist is itching again.

“I thought the whole first boyfriend thing explained it all but see, now I know the whole story,” Hongbin says as he points his fork at Sanghyuk, resembling Sojung from earlier. “You’re just a little duckling lost without his special daddy.”

“Okay, you’ve officially lost your mind,” Sanghyuk tells him before succumbing with laughter at the ridiculous image.

“Maybe I have, but you can’t tell me that doesn’t make sense.” Hongbin raises his eyebrows at Sanghyuk with a mischievous smile before finally stuffing the dangling piece of rice cake in his mouth.

“That can’t be, anybody, even a straight man would be lovesick over him. Look for yourself. To prove his point that he’s not crazy, Sanghyuk takes out his phone to show Hongbin. He has to search through his backlog of folders in his gallery to find the last picture he took of Hakyeon, a picture he hasn’t seen in years. He lingers on the photo he was never able to delete and all the physical details of Hakyeon he can remember by touch if he let himself remember long enough but Hongbin is sitting right there. So instead, he quickly enlarges the photo and hands the phone over to Hongbin.

“Wow,” Hongbin utters when his eyes land on the man in the picture. Sanghyuk laughs as he continues staring at the phone screen then squints his eyes like he’s searching for something.

“I told you so.”

“Shut up real quick,” Hongbin hushes him to look at the picture for another moment. “I know this guy.”

“How?” Sanghyuk questions as Hongbin slowly shakes his head then hands the phone back.

“Wait—shit, you said his name is Hakyeon right? I do know him! We went to college together and he was the first person I befriended in my first year, but we kind of drifted apart for no reason,” Hongbin explains. Sanghyuk lets out a quiet “oh” before eating his food while it’s still hot. “And,” Hongbin drawls, “The last time I checked, Hakyeon isn’t made out of gold, so you shouldn’t be worshipping him like you are.”

“I’m not…” Sanghyuk trails off, unable to finish his sentence. Okay, maybe there is some truth to what Hongbin is saying and maybe, just maybe he became so heavily and emotionally invested in Hakyeon for reasons other than being still in love with Hakyeon. Hakyeon was his first boyfriend...and his dom...and that doesn’t even include Sanghyuk acting like his mentor at times and—Sanghyuk’s mouth drops open. Hongbin shoves a piece of rice cake in it and he mindlessly chews on it. He was so sure he was solely in love with Hakyeon but maybe...he just loves the idea of Hakyeon and how he polished Sanghyuk’s identity from the rust.

“Being serious for a sec, just because Hakyeon has been the only one so far, it doesn’t mean you aren’t bi by the way. Also, I bet if you let Hakyeon off this pedestal then you’ll see that there could be others who would gladly be your...daddy,” Hongbin snickers.

“Oh my gosh he wasn’t my...daddy,” Sanghyuk strains to say, barely able to let the word leave his tongue.

The denial doesn’t make Hongbin stop snickering, but the savory taste of the cheese covered rice cake does and Sanghyuk is thankful for it. They continue to finish their food in relative peace, but once again Sanghyuk’s mind is buzzing. At this point, it never seems to stop buzzing. Ever since Hakyeon came back into the picture, his mind has yet to feel calm. Even after all the conversations, and now this newfound realization, his thoughts refuse to stay still like he’s missing something.


	6. Here Come the Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one chapter left after this >.< Sorry I couldn't meet my own deadline but...I tried okay  
> plusmyishisn'tbeingenjoyedsowhat'sthepointanyways
> 
> But, while redrafting this chapter for the 4th time, I had "Here Come the Regrets" by Epik High playing and it just...fit. Honestly, it fits Hakyeon's life in general  
> So if you wanna experience what I felt while writing this listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98YwcYLTU-A
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter .-.

Streaks of crimson and golden sunlight paint the interiors of Hakyeon’s bedroom, gradually heating up the soft fabrics of his bed and his carpet as he trudges across the room barefoot. Toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, he grabs his phone that was buzzing a second ago off the edge of his nightstand and reads the text message he received too early in the morning.

_jyani: ur coming to roses right? U BETTER NOT SKIP OUT!! ur spilling the details about the date today >:( _

“It wasn’t a date!” Hakyeon hollers at his phone first thing in the morning before he throws it at his fuzzy pillows and watches it bounce down onto his duvet.

His day was going so well: He got out of bed, started brushing his teeth, thought about making toast, and now this happens. He was so successful at not thinking about the not-date before the text message and now the jitters from last night have revived in his stomach just from one thought about Taekwoon. He’s a grown ass man and shouldn’t be feeling like a teenager in a cheesy and formulaic young adult romance novel. Not that he’s ever read one or three to know how they act and feel.

There is always the option to just...not go. He could pretend he didn’t read the message or that he needed to go to work but...damn it. The one symbol on the message already went away and if there’s one person he feels guilty about standing up, it’s Jaehwan.

His feet drag along the carpet all the way back to the bathroom as he grumbles and curses Jaehwan under his breath. His toothbrush still hangs from his mouth as foam bubbles on his lips from the sputtered nonsense before he finishes brushing his teeth. What a good morning.

The sign _Inked Roses_ appears in Hakyeon’s vision as he pulls up to the building. There’s a tray holding three coffee drinks (one with more sugar and milk than coffee) in his passenger seat with the hopes of appeasing Jaehwan so he can let off on the Taekwoon questions. Tray in hand, Hakyeon enters the tattoo parlor and sees Jaehwan and Ravi setting up shop, a routine he’s seen them do so often he could probably copy the motions.

The ring of the front door catches their attention and Jaehwan’s face immediately brightens when he sees Hakyeon.

“You actually came?!” Jaehwan shouts incredulously, dropping what he was doing.

“Crazy, right?” Hakyeon comments with a chuckle and places the tray down on the coffee table. “I got you your sugar milk by the way.”

“Stop discriminating against my mocha frappuccino!” Jaehwan screeches. He runs over to the tray of drinks to grab the one that is clearly his as there’s foam spilling from the top and holds it dear to his chest.

“I'm just calling it what it is,” Hakyeon flashes him a smirk, making him stick out his tongue in response, before sitting on the couch with his mature Americano in hand.

“Whatever,” Jaehwan mumbles before he takes a sip of the chocolatey drink. “So about that date?”

“Whoa, date? What date?” Ravi intrudes, sipping on his own drink with curious and widened eyes. “Don't tell me you guys are keeping stuff from me _again_.”

Hakyeon glares at Jaehwan, but unlike everybody else, he doesn't cower from the weight of the stare. “I don't know what he's talking about considering I didn't go on a _date_.”

“Fine, outing then, whatever. Just spill the beans.”

“Mm...but I’d rather have cuddles instead,” Hakyeon suggests, blatantly avoiding the topic. Jaehwan doesn’t hide the fact that he’s a sucker for attention (one example being he’s dating Ravi), and sometimes Hakyeon is less than ashamed to exploit that side of him for personal benefit.

Following through Hakyeon’s plan, Jaehwan plops down on the couch next to him and burrows into his side, much like a lap dog. Ravi chuckles at the sight with his lips around the straw before he sets the cup down to finish setting up shop.

Coffee in his other hand, Hakyeon peers down adoringly at Jaehwan as he gently strokes his hair down. Just from the gesture itself, contentment washes over him and he himself forgets about the question asked earlier.

Jaehwan snuggles up closer to Hakyeon all while sipping on his frappe. “So,” he starts, “What about the outing?”

Shit. Hakyeon grunts frustratedly. He was so sure distracting Jaehwan would work.

“Nothing happened. We just went out for beer and that’s it,” Hakyeon shrugs to downplay what actually happened.

“Bullshit,” Ravi cuts in and wheels himself closer to the two on his stool, “An ex doesn’t just repeatedly show up, ask you out, and nothing happens.”

“People can be cordial, Ravi,” Hakyeon reminds him backhandedly. Jaehwan’s nose twitches in the corner of his eye as the man becomes heavier in his arm.

“Still don’t believe it,” Ravi responds nonchalantly in contrast to the tone used against him.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Hakyeon speaks up, barely his voice under a shout as he sits up, leaning off the edge of the couch. “ That we made up and kissed and now we’re going out again because that didn’t happen and it won’t.”

Jaehwan sighs next to him before he sits up himself and places his cup flat on the coffee table. It’s the beginning of the same conversation they’ve had over and over throughout the years, just with different subjects in place of Taekwoon. Plenty of times, the wrong button would be pressed and they were forced to watch Hakyeon slip from them for far too long. It seemed like these moments were happening less and less often but now…

“We’re not expecting you to live out a fucking fairytale and have a happy ending with somebody but—we just want to see you live and fucking...feel shit that normal people feel.” The air between them stays still and quiet. Like two sides of a mirror, Hakyeon and Jaehwan stare back at each other, startled by the words spoken.

“I-I didn’t mean ‘normal’,” Jaehwan speaks cautiously, more aware of what he’s saying now. “But it’s like what Ravi said, there’s no way you just went out with your ex and didn’t feel or experience something. You’re not a robot, you know? It’s okay to say if it made you feel butterflies, angry, sad, just...something, to not be so distant.”

No answer. Instead, Hakyeon unravels his arm from around Jaehwan’s shoulders and pulls away from him completely to lean forward on his knees, inadvertently going against what he’s been told.

Normally, Hakyeon would be able to handle these confrontations from Jaehwan, however, Ravi sitting across from them brings him to another territory. The embarrassment weighs heavy on his shoulders, making it nearly impossible for him to lift his head to his friends. Ravi is his friend too, of course, but he’s only had these types of discussions with Jaehwan and Jaehwan alone. He can only imagine what Ravi must think of him right now while being cussed out by Jaehwan because of his ridiculous personal issues.

Jaehwan interrupts his thoughts and speaks much softer than before to let the concern he has for Hakyeon register through him. “Hyung, I thought you were getting better at...this. Is something going on? Ever since Hyuk came back it seems like you just retreated to how you were before, like nothing’s changed.”

“That’s not fair,” Hakyeon snaps, “You of all people know I’ve been trying to change, that should count for something. Even after shit keeps spitting in my face, I try again only to get spit on again. How is any of that my fault if I finally decide to say fuck it?”

The sharpness of his words cut through the tension between then and leaves Jaehwan stunned. Only a brief moment goes by before Jaehwan reacts and pulls Hakyeon into his tight hold, nearly knocking the cup out of his hand. “I’m sorry, Hyung. Of course, I know, I didn’t mean to belittle what you’ve done, it-it’s just—gosh I get so frustrated because I worry about you so much and I want to see you get better, think better,” he mutters in Hakyeon’s ear.

The warm and sincerity radiating from Jaehwan like a fleece blanket makes Hakyeon feel the need to take a deep breath, letting the contentment from earlier seep back into him. “I’m sorry...” he softly utters with closed eyes and feels a pat on his shoulder that he suspects came from Ravi.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” Jaehwan assures him, “I just don’t want to see something bad happen to you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Hakyeon asks quizzically as he peels himself away from Jaehwan’s chest, only to see Jaehwan shake his head in response and brush off the question. “I’m alright Hwanie. The only thing bad is that people are shit.”

“Is Taekwoon a shit person too?”

There’s another pause between them where Hakyeon can’t answer.

Jaehwan was right; Taekwoon did make him feel something for the first time in a long time. He just isn’t sure what that _thing_ is.

On the surface of it all, he only knows that he had a good time reminiscing the moments he treasured with Taekwoon in his head alone. The outing felt like old recovered dates of theirs, dates that ended...because of him.

“No, I’m the shit person,” Hakyeon blurts out.

“No, you’re not,” Ravi spouts seemingly out of nowhere, beating Jaehwan as he opens his mouth. “You’re not gonna be perfect, you’re going to make mistakes, but that doesn’t make you a ‘shit person’, especially if you tried to make up for it.”

Instinctively, Hakyeon wants to argue that that’s indeed what he is and then it hits him. He realizes what it is that Taekwoon planted in him: regret. He regrets leaving Taekwoon without giving their relationship a real chance, he regrets leaving Sanghyuk on his own terms. All because of what he fears. The regret, the guilt, crashes into him hard like a diesel truck.

What would’ve happened if he never left Taekwoon all those years ago, would he still be paralyzed in his own fear? His tattoo, the traces of hobbies and people he left behind—all remnants of his own self-destruction. It even came to a point where he gave up everything that didn’t relate directly to his business or his friends. Yet, he still distances himself from Jaehwan and Ravi. He feels sorry that them going to the bar was the first time they went out together in months, but he can’t bring himself to fully apologize for it.

He’s stuck in a vicious cycle. One moment, he feels he’s getting better then a ray of emotion shines through him, making him feel something again. It’s then that he awaits to be spit on again and sinks back into the hole he almost climbed out of without any idea of how to get over the ledge. It seems like a faraway idea at this point, that all of this could have never happened, his fear could be nonexistent if he would have stayed persistent with Taekwoon.

The room’s been silent for far too long. It weighs on Hakyeon that anybody has yet to speak as Jaehwan places his hand on his knee, pulling him out of his head.

“Hey,” Jaehwan whispers in the same cautious and soft voice, “When was the last time you talked to your doctor?”

“A little over two months.” Hakyeon watches as Jaehwan opens his mouth again before he quickly cuts him off. “I’ll call him today.”

“Please,” Jaehwan urges him as he gazes deeply into his eyes with those wide, brown, puppy-like irises of his.

“I will don’t worry,” Hakyeon assures him and lays his hand on top of his.

As Jaehwan weighs his head down on his shoulder, Hakyeon feels gravity letting go of his chest. He snuggles into the crook of Hakyeon’s neck before speaking. “You know, things may feel like shit now, but you can’t lose hope. You’re only thinking about the bad memories but, don’t forget about the good things that came from those times too. For example, I bet three years ago you never thought you’d be talking to your parents now, huh?”

Jaehwan nudges him in the arm repeatedly and Hakyeon purses his lips tightly. However, the tighter he pulls them, the more his mouth twitches from Jaehwan’s lame attempt to make him smile. Seeing as his plan isn’t working, Jaehwan takes it upon himself to block out Hakyeon’s vision with his own foolish smile, making Hakyeon sputter out a bit of a chuckle. Accomplished, Jaehwan pats his knee once more before pushing himself off the couch to attend to his duties behind the front desk.

Hakyeon doesn’t want to tell Jaehwan that he would win that bet. However, if it was up to him and him alone, it wouldn’t have been his reality. If he had the sole say in the matter, meeting his parents again would’ve stayed a fear of his, just like everything else.

The accounts of his parents, how they stayed buried yet easily discoverable under his skin all those years ago, leads to show how he’s in the same predicament with Sanghyuk and Taekwoon. He believed he threw them away and lived past what happened, but the memories still sit with him every day, boiling bitterness underneath. He gave up everything he did before because of it—some habits weren’t healthy anyway, prompting the dull and blurry days he’s lived through recently. After everything that happened, it still affects his life and his relationships. He only wishes he can go back and make things better, make himself better.

Hakyeon stands up drearily from the couch, weighed down by his heavy thoughts. “I think I should probably go now,” he announces.

“So soon?” Jaehwan perks up, speaking too late as Hakyeon is already out the door, coffee forgotten and left aside.

On the way back to his car, Hakyeon texts Bora that he’s not coming in right now, but he’ll be there for payroll. Included in the message is a list of reminders for her to check as well, but he’s pretty sure she doesn’t need it anyway. Once in the car, his muscle memory leads his hand to his key, sticking them in the ignition, but he suddenly stops and lets his head drop against his steering wheel.

When there were other others to blame, running away from his problems was a task he could do without a stumble. However, knowing everything stems from him and his overly emotional yet suppressed self makes it difficult to face those same problems and run from them. At the same time, since it’s in his hands, it seems like he should be able to grab onto them. He wonders how Jaehwan still, somehow, believes in him enough to keep pushing him. However, he keeps that thought in mind as he picks up his phone to make the phone call he promised.

After he finishes scheduling his next appointment, he hangs up and resumes starting the car to drive to his apartment. A few red lights and green lights pass by and he doesn’t feel the need to go home now, not yet. Actually, he doesn’t know what he wants to do and instead turns out of the main road to pull up into one of the back alleys and sets his car in park to give him a moment to figure out what it is that he wants.

Meanwhile, his hands have other ideas of their own as they reach for his phone again and send a text to a recently added contact. It’s not until the loading circle goes away that he can’t believe what he just did. Almost way too soon, he gets a reply back from Taekwoon and his body goes into panic mode, his thumbs frantically going across his keyboard.

_Sorry, I didn’t mean to send that. Sorry for bothering you_

He sends the message as quick as his can, hoping that would be the end of that. But, of course, it’s not. Taekwoon sends a message back and asks, “Are you okay?” to which he replies of course. Another message rolls in that asks is he sure and Hakyeon sends him the only reply he can.

_So why did you text me?_

_I told you it was a mistake_

_Was it?_

Out of frustration, he tosses the phone aside in his passenger seat. However, the next ding effortlessly catches his attention again and from the preview he can see Taekwoon’s text says, “I’ll take your silence as a no.” Angrily, he snatches the phone from the seat and sends a stern message that says, “It is not a no.” He loosens his grip on the phone, taking a sigh after realizing how much he’s letting these little comments affect him.

Another reply pops up on his phone.

_Alright then_

He can clearly picture Taekwoon’s smug face behind his own phone screen and purses his lips again as he lets his thumbs do all the work. He’s not letting Taekwoon get to him.

_Don’t patronize me._

_…_

_Alright then_

“Ahh!” Hakyeon cries out before letting the outburst turn into a fit of laughter. How could he be getting so bothered?

_Are you sure there’s nothing you want to say?_

Is there anything he wants to say? Why did he let himself text Taekwoon? It’s not because he wants to apologize—he already did that. Also, he doesn’t...miss Taekwoon, so that thought can get thrown out the window. He honestly wanted to take a breather from everything and get away for a few hours so why is he here?

His eyes peer through his phone into a black space away from the conversation and gradually his mind fills with fog. As if there’s an answer within the colorless mist, he searches but the only there present is a clearing filled with everything that he knows is labeled to be wrong with him. Outside of it all, here he is, in the back alley of a street he can’t name, sitting here, wasting gas and letting the dark fumes seep their way into him. This, this is why he’s become the suppressed and distant mess he is today because if he sits and actually introspects himself, this is what happens.

His vision focuses on the screen again and drags his thumbs over the keyboard again. “I don’t know why,” he responds. This time around, Taekwoon takes a while to respond before sending another message.

_What’s wrong?_

Hakyeon chokes up on the two words as a lump forms in his throat. Just that fast, he blinks and he can feel the wetness hanging off his eyelash and swiftly wipes it away.

“Shit,” he mutters to himself. He picks up the phone to respond with one of his pre-planned replies but he sees Taekwoon sent another text warning him that he’s going to call. Sure enough, he does.

The melody of his ringtone fills his whole car and he hesitates to answer, but he finally taps the button.

“H-Hello?” he utters, flinching at the sound of his own cracked voice.

“What’s wrong?” Taekwoon speaks urgently into the phone without wasting a second.

Only one reply comes to mind, one of the many fake lines he’s told his friends throughout the years. “Nothing.”

“I’m not dumb, Hakyeon. Where are you, what are you doing?”

It’s a good question. One he should know but can’t answer. Solely looking at the dingy brick buildings surrounding gives him no clues as to where he is. So, he gives Taekwoon the next best answer. “I’m...in the car.”

“Were you texting and driving?” Taekwoon asks him accusingly.

“No!” he claims quickly to defend himself, “I’m parked somewhere.”

“So you’re sitting in a parked car.”

He takes a moment to nod at the question before realizing that Taekwoon can’t see him. “Yeah.”

“And you have the audacity to tell me nothing’s wrong?”

“Would you rather me text and drive then?” He can hear Taekwoon sigh on the other side of the phone and it's reminiscent of the way Jaehwan sighed this morning after he sassed Ravi, much like he sassed Taekwoon now. “Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Taekwoon asks, sounding as if he’s thoroughly confused as to why Hakyeon would apologize.

It takes a moment for Hakyeon to think of the exact words to say. “Sorry for being flippant.”

“I didn’t think you were being...flippant, as you put it, but the apology is still much accepted,” Taekwoon claims. Hakyeon can hear him take another breath before he talks into the phone again, his voice much more empathetic. “I know it must be weird for an ex to pry but, do you think you can tell me anything about what’s wrong? Of course, as always, you don’t have to.”

He’s right, it is weird. However, it’s like what they both said yesterday: it feels like no time passed between them. Hakyeon wonders if he can actually tell Taekwoon anything. He can’t tell Jaehwan everything and he’s never uttered a word to Ravi about what goes on with him. To this day, Ravi pretends he’s great at being sneaky and shiftily asks about Hakyeon’s tattoos but fails every time at prying him open.

Yet, here’s Taekwoon; A man he hasn’t seen in nearly a decade asking for a piece of his brain. Every fiber of his being should be against it, but now everything is overflowing, including his tears, and it’s drowning out his thoughts.

“I’m so sorry,” he tries to say through the beginning hiccups, somehow finding one more apology in himself.

“It’s okay.” The feathery voice only makes Hakyeon break out into sobs. He can’t think of anything. It’s all white noise as his body puts all of its energy into breaking down. When there’s only hiccups instead of tears, he makes himself apologize to Taekwoon one last time.

“Please, don’t be.” The tenderness is still there as Taekwoon speaks. Hearing him talk alone is as comforting as if he was there personally soothingly rubbing Hakyeon’s back.

However, in person or over the phone, it doesn’t change the fact that Hakyeon just wailed like a child in front of the man. Out of pure discomposure, he lets out a pitiful snicker. “Ah...this is so embarrassing.”

“It seems like it was much needed, though.”

“No, I just hate crying,” Hakyeon informs him through his sniffles, finishing wiping off his face with his sleeve.

“No wonder it was needed. Everybody deserves and needs a good cry every now and then. It’s impossible to keep everything bottled up all the time.”

As Taekwoon finishes speaking, Hakyeon pulls his feet up into his seat, bumping his knees against the steering wheel in the process and lets them rest there. “Well, I’m usually pretty good at holding it in.”

“Only to find yourself blowing up eventually? That’s not right.”

“What am I supposed to do then? Honestly I...I can’t handle my own emotions. When they become so complicated and push themselves to the forefront, demanding to be felt, i-it’s just easier to push them aside.”

“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon calls sternly.

“...Yeah?”

“When was the easier route ever the best route?”

Hakyeon hesitates, wondering if an answer is necessary before stuttering. “U-um—”

“Back then, you were such a hard worker and you obviously still are considering you’ve had your own business for five years. I can’t imagine the Hakyeon I knew before trying to take the easy way out now. Sure, what happened happened, but that doesn’t mean you should make a habit out of it.”

Hakyeon scoffs into the phone without a second thought. “It’s a little too late for that.”

“You’re so much better than that.” The clear disappointment in Taekwoon’s strained voice bleeds into the air through the speaker. He immediately wishes he could take his words back to keep from hearing that tone ever again.

“Well, what do I do when the first domino has already been knocked over?”

“Pick up the next piece before it falls too.”

“It’s not that easy,” he drawls as he rubs his eye with the back of his hand. The sky is a clear blue outside his window with the sun slowly creaking it’s way up. Yet, he couldn’t be more exhausted.

“I know. What did I just say about the easy route? Sure, at first it works, but it’s going to catch up with you every single time and knock you back down, just like domino pieces.”

Hakyeon sighs wearily, resting the side of his head against his knees. “I realize that. I only wish I never knocked over the first piece to begin with...”

“Me neither…” Taekwoon admits, “Do you know how you can make up for it?”

“How?”

“Stop beating yourself up and keep moving.”

Of course, if anybody knows what to do its Taekwoon. Even after the shit Hakyeon put him through, here he is without anything holding him back (from what Hakyeon can tell) and speaking like an old wise man. In fact, Hakyeon thinks, because of what he did, Taekwoon shouldn’t care about his problems now.  

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Hakyeon questions him as his fingers mindlessly play with the cuff of his pants leg.

“Honestly? I don’t know why. Maybe, it’s because you’re my old friend?”

Hakyeon suddenly perks his head up at this, eyebrows raised from the statement. “You see me as an old friend?”

“Yes. Now that I think about it, we’re technically not exes since we never labeled each other as boyfriends.”

Hakyeon’s lips crack at the corner until his lips finally twitch into a smile, wrinkles reaching up to his eyes. He clutches the phone tighter against his cheek as his insides become lighter. “Huh, well if I would’ve stayed then we wouldn’t be old friends right now, we’d be exes, wouldn’t we?”

“You sound better, I’m hanging up now.”

At this, Hakyeon bursts out into full-on laughter. “No, please don’t go,” he barely manages to cry out as his shoulders continue to bounce.

“I’ll stay on as long as I need to.”

The fact that Hakyeon knows he means it, it fully takes a weight off his chest. Except, unlike yesterday, it stays that way for the time being.

The last time he let somebody in, it broke him down past what he believed to be the bottom. However, Jaehwan believes in him to keep trying. He doesn’t know how, but so far, trying seems to mean learning how to control and connect with his own emotions, even if he feels the urge to throw them away.

Now, he’s face to face with another person who understands and will be there, even if he doesn’t know how long that will be. He’s just lucky he feels comfortable with the person by default, comfortable enough to call him a friend. If moving on will help make up for what he’s done, what he’s become, then hell he owes it Taekwoon.

“Thanks for not giving up on me… You don’t know how bad I needed you right now,” he confesses, slowly dropping his feet one by one back on the floor of the car.

“I’m glad I was able to be there for you then,” Hakyeon closes his eyes as he listens to that soft and comforting voice.

There’s no hiding the smile that’s plastered itself on his face. In the middle of the alley, he leans back in his seat as the rising sun beats down on his face. He hasn’t looked, but he’s sure his gas must be half what it was. Even still, he turns off the ignition and rests back into the soft fabrics beneath him.


	7. Dominoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're finally at the end of it all. I had...so many deadlines for this chapter but nevermind that, it's finally here and the story is finally over  
> Erm, I've been writing this chapter for like, a total of probs a week since December, like in total. Just like with the first part of this story I thought about the ending for A LOOONNGGG time and this is the best ending to me. I don't mean in the sense of THIS IS THE BEST PIECE OF WRITTEN LITERATURE, but that no other ending fits as well as this does  
> With that being said, if you make it to the end I have a small announcement to make regarding this story  
> So...  
> I hope you all enjoy

The lone neon open sign (that Ravi finally brought himself to buy) hangs in the dusky alleyway, providing a bit of color to the otherwise gray street as the warm lights and chatter from the inside illuminate the dim sidewalk. The parlor, so familiar to Hakyeon he can reasonably call it his second home, is filled with a strange sight he couldn't possibly imagine a week ago nor could he have ever dreamed about. Yet here he is, conversing with Ravi and Jaehwan as normal, yet also sharing a couch with Taekwoon. However, it’s all comfortable nonetheless. Maybe it’s the cheap beer warming him up from the inside out, or watching Jaehwan failing at trying his utter best to not show that huge cheesy smile of his, but he’s relaxed. As much as he can be relaxed with Jaehwan asking his awkward questions about him and Taekwoon. He was always too nosy for his own good.

Though, the excitement Jaehwan has nearly boiling over inside him matches that within Hakyeon as well. He could worry over the fact that Taekwoon might leave town soon, so these impromptu meetups aren’t going to last, or worry that Jaehwan may be over thinking their newfound friendship, but he’s not going to—or at least try not to because the thoughts are already planted in his head. Instead, he’s letting himself bask in the bubbly feeling he’s surrounded by, knowing that they’re all here together.

Suddenly,  the front entrance bell chimes, cutting Jaehwan off mid-sentence, and everybody turns their attention to the source of the sound and Hakyeon immediately regrets his thoughts. Just like that, the second hand of the clock hanging above the desk becomes the sole noise in the entire room. It’s only been a few seconds since everybody froze, but Hakyeon can swear each slow paced ticking echoing between the walls is another minute passing.

Hakyeon doesn’t want to just slow down. He needs it to halt, to give him more than a minute to process the man ruining his nice evening. However, of course, it’s so typical of the universe by now to throw a wrench at him when he’s most vulnerable. If it was yesterday, he would be one more slow tick away from screaming.

“Wow”—all the other four heads snap to Jaehwan’s direction—”It sure is hot tonight. I could really go for some ice cream right about now,” he says like an amateur in their first improv class as he tugs on his collar for extra effect. He turns to Ravi, now fanning himself, “Would you care for some ice cream too?”

What?” Ravi blurts. Jaehwan’s eyebrows raise as he nudges his head in Sanghyuk’s direction, hoping Ravi can quickly catch on. “O-Oh! Yes, I would  _ love _ some ice cream.”

“And you, Taekwoon?” Jaehwan questions, his actor voice still in play though the lyricist’s face never changes.

Instead, he stares between the two absolutely dumbfounded and ignorant to their act. “Um no, I’ll pass, but thank you for the offer.” 

“Are you  _ sure _ ?” Ravi asks intently and cautiously. His tone flies over the man’s head unfortunately as he shakes it, unaware of the dire situation they’re all currently standing in.

Ravi and Jaehwan exchange looks of failure. Meanwhile, their friend who was so calm a second ago has his jaw tight and locked with his eyes focused on nothing. The thought of leaving Hakyeon alone with Sanghyuk is daunting and Jaehwan almost retracts his improvised plan. However, sometimes it’s best to stand in the middle of the boxing ring and they need to hash their shit out one way or another. Plus, if a fight does break out, then Taekwoon looks sturdy enough to be able to break it up.

With all the haste they can muster, the duo scurries past Sanghyuk who’s still frozen in time and space to leave the parlor. Maybe it was their rushed steps or the fact that Hakyeon’s fists are so tightly clenched he’s potentially able to cut himself but, the atmosphere finally dawns on Taekwoon.

Taekwoon lightly taps on Hakyeon’s knee and whispers to him though the other shows no sign of acknowledging the tap, “Should I have left as well?”

Taekwoon’s lithe voice is still able to make it through Hakyeon’s ears. He slowly lowers his shoulders, suddenly realizing how high up his head they were before responding, “No, it’s alright.” Hakyeon attempts to assure him and so his shaky voice gives him away, he covers it up with a small cough. 

The silhouette of Sanghyuk has left his peripheral vision and he almost gets his hopes high enough to believe that maybe by some miracle the boy has left with the other two. But no. The moment he turns his gaze back to the door, there Sanghyuk is standing with wide doe eyes.

“What are you doing here?” His tone is almost too civil for how threatening his eyes are aimed towards Sanghyuk.

It takes a second for Hakyeon’s question to travel to Sanghyuk and when it does, it’s easily visible to notice by the frozen expression chipping of his face to reveal a startled one. “I-I uh, I actually came to talk to Jaehwan…”

“Oh, really?” Hakyeon comments. While the civil words still remain, there’s no ignoring the hostility in his tone, causing Taekwoon to shift further away in his seat. 

As silence continues to hang between them, Hakyeon’s leg cuts through the thick air as he crosses it on his lap. Sanghyuk wonders if he’s supposed to answer the ‘question’. Nobody’s talking and his breathing gradually becomes heavier, harder to control, and now he’s too aware of where his feet should be, and he can’t just stand there. “Yeah...I did. I came to ask him for help so I can properly apologize to you.”

“For the love of—,” Hakyeon mumbles to himself, all civility gone, “Hyuk, how many times do I have to tell you it’s over?”

“I-I know, I know it’s over,” Sanghyuk raises his hands in defense, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry about what I did to you, and...I’ve been worrying about you ever since.”

“Well, that sounds like your problem. I didn’t ask you to worry about me,” Hakyeon claims as he uncrosses his legs to raise up from the couch. He makes his way over to the other side of the room near the half-wall cutting into the space to get away from Sanghyuk’s energy permeating the air.

Taekwoon admits to himself that denying Ravi earlier was not one of his keenest moments, but even the densest person could sense the deep-rooted negativity now displaying itself in front of him. The couch creaks under his weight as he calmly pushes himself off of it, ignoring the glance coming from the man near the door.

“Hmm, you know, maybe ice cream does sound good…” Taekwoon mutters, sidling along the edge of the couch towards the door that’s oh so close.

However, before he can make it to his exit, Hakyeon turns around to face the entrance again and waves Taekwoon to come back once he catches him in his sight. “It’s fine, Taekwoon, he was just leaving.”

“Wait...Taekwoon?” Sanghyuk calls out, finger pointing in the man’s direction beside him, “As in, your ex Taekwoon?”

Taekwoon halts in his tracks, blinking at the sound of his name coming from the stranger’s mouth. “You know me? How does he know me?” Taekwoon questions Hakyeon with widened eyes.

“Yeah, Hakyeon talked about you a couple of times before,” Sanghyuk nonchalantly answers. It’s not like he’s currently not in the middle of an emotional cold war with Hakyeon. “Are you hanging out with Taekwoon again?” Sanghyuk blatantly asks Hakyeon who’s temple vein is now visible and throbbing.

“Guys! Really? Can you—not right now, please?” Hakyeon exclaims as hands desperately shake beside his head without a sense of stability.

Immediately, Taekwoon shrinks down from his stance. “Sorry,” he softly utters then finds an excuse for himself to be distracted. It’s not many seconds later that Hakyeon watches him as he stares at the wall mentioning something in the background about what interesting and intricate designs Ravi has hung up and wow, did Jaehwan really do those by himself? Once Taekwoon steps further away, Sanghyuk takes that as an opportunity to enter the shop more and gradually gets closer to Hakyeon to catch his attention.

“Hyuk,” Hakyeon speaks up as he leans back on his hands, resting his weight on the edge of the half wall. “What is it that you really want, because I do not have the energy to keep going back and forth with you.”

Sanghyuk wipes his clammy hands against his jeans, but when he opens his mouth, his words come out clear and firm. “I want to apologize. All I ever wanted to do was treasure and help you like you did for me, but every time I just became so thoughtless with a one track mind and repeatedly caused you pain,” he pauses as Hakyeon shifts and crosses his arms over his chest. There’s no way to tell if Hakyeon is actually listening to what he’s saying but he continues anyway, “I know I must’ve uplifted all those issues we once dealt with in the past and I can never forgive myself for that. I know we’ll never be a couple again or even friends since hell, you have every right to hate me right now, but one thing I’ll never get over is caring about your well-being.”

The confession weighs heavily on Hakyeon and he has to pull his eyes away from the man, furrowing his brows in an attempt to fixate his mind on being bitter. Yet, no matter how disinterested he makes himself look, the man keeps going.

“I...I know I’ve been annoying chasing you around, but I just needed to get closure on this, so you can know how sorry I am and I’ll always care about you even if we don’t love each other.”

With his eyes still focused on the tile floor, his eyebrows gradually relax from their tensed position against his control. It can’t be real, he tells himself. He’s heard this same tone and the words that lowered his self-defense once before. If his and Taekwoon’s relationship revolves around coffees then his and Sanghyuk’s revolves around remorseful words and frankly, he’s tired of it. Surely trying to better himself doesn’t equate to being plain stupid.

“Look,” Hakyeon starts curt, “I’m  _ glad  _ you’re finally learning to move on, but instead of getting ‘closure’, you should keep living your life and not be here.”

Sanghyuk falters back on his foot, startled by the brusque yet justifiable attitude. Hakyeon’s eyes are piercing into his now, the chocolate brown of his iris melting into a black vacuum. Granted, even with Jaehwan’s help, he never expected this to go well but how much more does he have to try to make his emotions susceptible to Hakyeon.

“I told you that I care about you,” Sanghyuk reiterates, “And I just needed to know that—maybe you were—could be okay? It’s bad enough I can’t forgive myself but I could never move on without knowing if the one person who was the most special to me in my life so far is okay or not.”

Honestly, at this point, Sanghyuk thinks, fuck whatever Hongbin said before. He doesn’t care if it appears that he’s worshipping Hakyeon, even his ex Taekwoon is still hanging around and he knows why. “By the way,” Sanghyuk trails from his thoughts, “I may be putting you on a pedestal, but it’s because you fucking deserve it, and if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be there in the first place.” 

“...What the hell are you talking about?” Hakyeon blurts out, too confused to actually be irritated.

“Sorry, I was just, thinking about something and started rambling,” Sanghyuk mutters as he lowers his eyes to the ground.

“He’s right you know,” Taekwoon suddenly interjects from his spot near the windows and looks up from the magazine in his hand.

Hakyeon uncrosses his arms, placing his hands firmly on his hips as he turns to Taekwoon’s direction. “Wow, I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share your input,” Hakyeon says to be caustic but Taekwoon responds by pulling his lips into a thin amiable smile.

“You know I’m always happy to help.”

A sigh escapes Hakyeon as he drops his arms exasperatedly. As much as Hakyeon usually  _ appreciates  _ Taekwoon’s sly humor, now is most definitely not the time. “Right about what?”

Taekwoon folds the magazine back before stacking it on the table with the rest and Hakyeon wants to strangle him for taking his sweet time. “Right about you deserving it. You’re surrounded by people who care about you and love you because you’re the type of person who deserves it and demands it, even if not verbally.” 

Sanghyuk juts his thumb back in Taekwoon direction as he states, “Ex number one is also right about that.”

“Oh shut up, this is no time to be silly,” Hakyeon asserts as he waves his hand dismissively at the youngest who now pursing his lips tightly.

“As I was saying,” Taekwoon intervenes again, “Since you deserve it so much, you owe it to yourself to accept his apology.”

The statement is so nonchalant, so simple, yet, Hakyeon can barely process the words that were spoken. Despite that, his body immediately reacts. His hands curl into tight fists as his head sluggishly shakes on its own accord. No matter how much he repeats the words in his words, they don’t make sense. 

“What—Taekwoon—look,” Hakyeon stutters out, “Obviously, you don’t know what the hell our situation is, so I really don’t think you should be offering up suggestions.”

Completely unfazed by Hakyeon’s bitter disposition, Taekwoon shrugs his shoulders. “Even if I don’t know the exact details, it’s advice I learned from personal experience,  _ remember _ ? If you don’t forgive him then you’re only hurting yourself in the end.” A sour taste sits on Hakyeon’s tongue from Taekwoon’s words but even still, Hakyeon can’t make himself stop listening to them. “Remember how I said taking that domino away before it falls over won’t be easy? Plus, you’re not alone. All those people you demanded love from are willing to help.”

By now, all Hakyeon knows at this point is how to run away. A self-taught remedy of putting one foot in front of the other without looking back. It’s too easy. He knows how to run over those barren patches of dirt where his regrets lay. Just how many sites can he leave hidden in his trail only for years of erosion to uncover them later? 

His shoes are worn thin, he’s out of breath and at the end of the line. It’s over. A part of him longs to keep running, to see just how far he can go, but he’s so exhausted. Now here is his chance to sit down and learn how to rest. To others, it probably seems natural, but to Hakyeon, his calves itch to get up and go.

However, he has to do this and he knows it. Running isn’t an option anymore. It’s time for him to sit and take the chance to learn to become comfortable with what will be his new life.

A long sigh comes from Hakyeon as he raises his arms to hold himself steady in this moment. He wasn’t anticipating this to happen so soon but it’s here and there’s only one thing left to do. 

“I don’t remember you being this annoying whenever you were right,” Hakyeon informs Taekwoon who simply chuckles in response. It’s all he does as he walks over to the frames on the wall again, not needing to say anymore.

All of Hakyeon’s barriers fall as he drops his arms to his sides once more. Even a calm deep breath doesn’t prepare him as he peers back up into Sanghyuk’s face and for once, Hakyeon actually  _ sees  _ him. His boyish face is spoiled by dark circles and heavy bags tugging at his tired eyes. There’s a couple of pimples littering his cheeks that makes Hakyeon no longer wish for his early twenties. All in all, he appears to be just as tired as Hakyeon. 

“Sanghyuk…” Hakyeon calls with a faint voice.

“Yes?!” Sanghyuk immediately squawks a little too quickly, now fully animated. Given if it was a different situation, Hakyeon would’ve laughed.

“It’s true, for a quick moment I did hate you. I never felt such a red-hot...fiery, intense emotion in my life, but...I-I didn’t have to energy to keep it up, not anymore.” From the moment Hakyeon opens his mouth, his words are slow and cautious. He has no idea what to say, but either way, all the inner thoughts compiled inside him continue to flow out of him, “Even so, thinking about what happened is still difficult to do cause that heat all comes back to me so easily. I felt properly stabbed in the back and I never expected that to ever come from you—

“I’m sorry, H—

“I’m not done,” Hakyeon interrupts, speaking over Sanghyuk who’s flushed down to his neck. “Truth be told, we’ve both done shitty things. I did leave you then, not because ‘we weren’t meant to be’ but, because what else honestly, I was scared. I felt alone and scared that we were drifting apart so I did to you what I did to Taek over there.” To emphasize his point, he gestures over to Taekwoon who’s leaning against the wall on the other side of the desk with his phone in his hands and earplugs stuffed in his ears.

All of Hakyeon’s regrets come back up at once, blocking out his throat from saying anything else. Instantly, with all the anxious pressure building inside him, he knows this must be how Sanghyuk feels now, how he felt for so who knows long. As Hakyeon inattentively wrings his hands, the pity and apprehension etched in Sanghyuk’s face stares back at him, expecting more, so, he continues to push forward.

“I know it wasn’t right and I’m sorry. Maybe if I was honest back then, none of this would’ve happened and I regret that too, and I’m sorry for causing this mess. And, apparently I should be doing this for me only, but I don’t want this to weigh down on you either. I know what that feels like, not being able to forgive yourself for something.”

An exhale.

“We can’t keep living in the past, especially you. You’re so young with so much ahead of you, I can’t let this hold you back either like with your girlfriend, or...ex-girlfriend now.”

A crack. 

“So...to let you know, I’m...I’m not fully okay.”

A stutter.

“But, I guess the fact that I can say that says I’m getting better? And…”—With a small glance, Hakyeon notices his hands are burning red at the fingers and knuckles—“And so, now, I-I um...shit.” 

“Hyung, you don’t have to do this,” Sanghyuk cuts in as he carelessly approaches Hakyeon to rest a warm hand on his shoulder.

Hakyeon takes his irritated hand and pushes Sanghyuk’s away from his shoulder. Not out of malice, but to decline the opportunity of a cop-out. “Yes I do, now shut up so I can do this.” With another exhale, Hakyeon trudges through, pushing aside the inner him that’s clutching onto them for dear life, for an old life. “I f-forgive you… I forgive you, Sanghyuk. I just wish I could take it all back…”

Silence lingers between them. It’s a silence where all of Hakyeon’s inner strifes, stripped and barren for Sanghyuk to see, are gradually soaked by Sanghyuk’s eyes one at a time. Finally, a quiet, “...What?” breaks the air as Sanghyuk’s eyebrows furrow, deepening the look of wrinkles on his young face.

“I said I forgive you, Hyuk,” Hakyeon repeats as he takes a hold of Sanghyuk by his shoulders.

The deadpan expression on Sanghyuk’s face stays unchanged even as Hakyeon shakes him gently. “Really?”

“Are you trying to see how much I can repeat it?” Hakyeon retorts though his quavering voice is too dry to be humorous. 

“No, I just...I can’t believe it, that you would do that for me or for you? It doesn’t feel real,” Sanghyuk explains as he scratches the back of wrist like he’s trying to prove to himself that he’s not in a dream.

“Did you not hear me?” Hakyeon asks in all seriousness as he releases his grip from Sanghyuk’s shoulders, “I said I was doing this for us. You already did your part to get closure, and I needed to do my part.”

As if it finally hits Sanghyuk, his mouth gapes slightly as he nods lethargically. Eye contact is made and Hakyeon can swear he sees a hint of a glimmer in those recently dull eyes.

“So how do you feel now?” Sanghyuk simply questions him, full of sincere concern. 

“I’m not ready to be asked that yet, just, hold off on all the questions, please,” Hakyeon pleads and he wipes the palms of his hands across his round cheeks.

“Okay. Whatever you need, I’ll do it, or, not do it.”

The sheer tenderness leaking from Sanghyuk crashes in Hakyeon and it becomes too much. “Hyuk…” There might not be love laced between them and all romantic feelings have dwindled but Hakyeon can actually  _ feel _ Sanghyuk still cares about him. The sudden sensation is so overwhelming it brings the same rush of tears as yesterday, except he doesn’t stop himself this time.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Instant panic washes over Sanghyuk from Hakyeon’s startling reaction, that is until Hakyeon throws himself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“No...not at all,” Hakyeon breathes out through his tears. 

Sanghyuk stands in his safe frozen position again with his hands raised in the air and Hakyeon buried in his neck. It’s confusing to know what to do until he stops thinking and lets his hands naturally land on Hakyeon’s back, giving him gentle pats and rubs. “Oh,” is all he can utter in response as he continues to nurture Hakyeon through his sobs.

Meanwhile, Taekwoon peeks over the edge of the front desk as he pulls one earbud out at a time and gradually stands on his feet.

“Is everything okay?” He asks, weight heavy on one foot as he tries to decipher if it’s safe to come out from his temporary personal burrow.

“Everything is fine, he’s just having a much needed moment,” Sanghyuk answers on behalf of Hakyeon.

“So I see,” Taekwoon murmurs. Sanghyuk watches over his shoulder as the stranger’s long limbs stride over to sit on the coffee instead of just making the extra way to the couch.

Sanghyuk peers down at Hakyeon who’s clutching onto his shirt as his quiet whimpers refuse to stop. Even though he knows they’re tears to cleanse, it still aches his heart to watch. “I should probably thank you for by the way,” Sanghyuk mentions as gazes over his other shoulder now at Taekwoon, all the while making the conscious decision to not follow the length of Taekwoon’s elongated leg with his eyes.

“Thank me? For what?” Taekwoon questions with a tilt of his head and Sanghyuk takes a hard swallow before sharply turning his head back to focus on Hakyeon in his arms.

“For helping Hakyeon and being a part of this mess with us,” Sanghyuk states like it’s the most obvious thing as he continues to rub Hakyeon’s back, feeling the quivering of his body calming down. 

“Oh joy, I love messes,” Taekwoon comments and Hakyeon’s chest bounces against Sanghyuk’s from laughter and Sanghyuk can’t stop himself from chuckling as well. “Hyuk… was it?”

“Yeah?” Sanghyuk answers and regretfully looks back at the older man.

“It’s very nice meeting you,” Taekwoon says with a smile that barely tugs at the inner corners of his lips but somehow Sanghyuk’s blessed with the eyesight to see it in its entirety.

“Yeah...you too,” Sanghyuk responds as Hakyeon gradually peels away from him.

Hakyeon takes a step back from Sanghyuk, tugging at his own shirt to regain his composure as if nothing happened. Sanghyuk gives him another couple of pats on the back of his shoulder for good measure and Hakyeon doesn’t try to stop the smile that appears on his face. When Sanghyuk returns the expression, he feels lucky in his life for once. Lucky that even through the shit he caused, Sanghyuk still offers up his wide and comforting shoulders and Taekwoon still voluntarily gives his support. He doesn’t know for certain if he deserves any of it like they say, but he’s not going to take it for granted anymore.

“Ah,” Taekwoon perks up as he points his nimble finger over to the door, “I should probably mention your friends are waiting outside the door, Hakyeon. Also, no they did not bring extra ice cream.” Sure enough, when Hakyeon peers over Sanghyuk’s shoulder, there they are peeking around the brick wall into the shop. The second Jaehwan notices that Hakyeon finally sees him, he waves at him and Hakyeon breaks out in laughter.

No, he won’t take it for granted at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you made it to the end I hope you enjoyed  
> The announcement I wanted to make is that, even though this whole story is essentially a dragged out epilogue, I still had an epilogue in mind for this au since there's some storylines that still need to be told? They don't NEED to be told but if you guys would like more, I have more.  
> That being said, I won't give more if nobody wants more. This story has been a drag to write recently because I just...I don't feel like people like it anymore? There's no comments and I have no clue what people are thinking, if they're thinking anything so I've just been writing in the dark  
> So um, if you want an epilogue, just comment down below. If there's enough fuel for me to run off of then it may probably be written in a month knowing my habits and if not then...this is it.  
> Hope you all enjoyed it


	8. Author's Note

Hey guys, as stated above this is an Author's Note. I just wanted to inform all the readers of this series and make sure it gets through to everyone that I have completed part 1 of the epilogue to the entire series titled  _Brand New_.

Even though  _Winding Up Again_  was supposed to be something of an extended epilogue itself, it didn't feel like it closed all the cases thoroughly enough for me so I decided to write a little two-parter that I hope you will all enjoy. If you don't...you can just pretend the story stops after  _Winding Up Again_  I guess...

That's all for now and if you have the time, go read it now! :)


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